Labels: still alive
Labels: it all vanished in a finger snap
I don’t know why but when ever I want to blog
At least one bad thing would happen
I don’t know why is that so also.
Its always like that & trust me I hate that feeling
It sucks big time, but certain things are inevitable
Many have said that I always blog about my unhappiness & sorrows only
Its not that case, I do have the moments of joys, laughter, tears of joys & etc
I am not always the emo type. Anyways I am not blaming anyone here
But its my blog, & I do feel that I do have the right to choose what I want to write.
I am not being a wet blanket here. But I just felt some things are meant to be said out.
Lets see this time round what do I have to blabber about or complain about
Trust me I am not like last time, I have made myself or should I say things have made me stronger. Let it be things or incidents, I have learnt how to pick myself up & move on
But come on, I am also a girl who needs some time or rather to look back at her life & think through whether the things are happening the way its supposed to be or am I supposed to make things happen in the way its supposed to be.
From the starting of the year, things have not been right for me
Let it be my results, or personal life or anything
THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE
But I know everything happens for a reason, that’s what I always tell myself in order to survive in this world.
I don’t want to go deep into any particular incident
All things stated here aint the whole story, so don’t assume things just like that
All I can say that I have been broken hearted. More like I am having a broken heart right now. Things have hurt me so much, & here I am trying my level best to keep up with my smile & not let a single tear roll down my cheek. But I fail to do so. Each time something happens, immediately tears start to stream down like there is no tmr I would start weeping. For some people, they feel better when they say it out to someone close, or a stranger. For some, they would vent it on non living products, breaking them up, punching the walls, dustbin & stuffs. But even the non living things do have a heart
Is just that we don’t get to see them, nor feel them. But for others, they would rather cry their heart out. I am in this particular group. I prefer crying it out then telling it to someone else. Because nowadays no one can be trusted, not even a single soul.
All of them would cheat you at least one point of their life time. So far I have seen this happening.
Right now, I am trying to survive with this broken heart
Not to worry but I would survive through with no more tears shed, maybe.
Picking up bits and pieces of the broken glass trying to get back the same old picture
Even though I might get back the same picture but with scars on it
Someone told me that don’t hurt the heart that loves you
But I guess that person itself don’t understand the meaning of it
Or is it me who don’t understand?? Hmm
&& I can just continue like this, but not now
maybe some other time
takkaire all ((:
till I blog again
Labels: and she bled once again
Labels: i wish you were here
I m sickkkkk ):
I having the ear infection, flu, it sucks being sick
Arghhh
Anyways I got my posting results
DAMN IT!!!!!!
I got accounting at Simei ITE, I didn’t get my 1st choice
But I’m going to appeal on Monday
Bro is driving me to Clementi ITE to appeal for hospitality operations
Then to Bishan ITE to appeal for business admin course
I wish to get my 1st choice man
& I really hope I would get it
Things are not fine for me & I dun know y
But I know everything happens for a reason
That’s what I have been saying all these while
Btw its Monday alr. This post was supposed to be on the Friday
But due to my sis, it’s posted on Monday itself
Fri:
-posting of sch & course
Sat:
-went out wit punetha sis, durga sis, meera sis & met shamini sis at Causeway Point
Hanged ard ard for a while, went to hunt for the price of I pod.
I have been badly wanting one till now. Aft walking ard then decided to go to shamini sis’s hse for a dinner. Ordered KFC & Pizza. OMG!!! The food was filling
I could not eat much, not like last time. Anyway I was not even a good eater to mention abt the last time. LOLS
-pictures to come soon ((:
Sun:
-went out wit my sis to North Point to buy some stuffs & she wanted to do her shoe
But ended up buying a new pair of heels
It’s very nice && I so love it
- took a train to AMK to collect file from sangeetha
- Then headed back to North point, for a quick shopping, before heading back home.
- Later part in the evening, got dressed up for a wedding held at Sembawang C.C. the bride looked beautiful & cute in the sari. The C.C was small but a lot of people there. It was too full that, some, I think nearly another ¾ were standing outside & watching the wedding ceremony.
-pictures to come soon ((:
Mon (today) :
- went to Clementi ite, BAD experience ):
- Bro dropped me at jurong mrt station, took a train down to bishan ite. On the way I saw my childhood friend Shalini, still look the same as ever.
- Choose a course but guess wad I chose?? PRODUCT DESIGN, using my N’s cert. now I feeling really lousy abt my choice
I m so fickle minded. OMG!!!!!! I dun know wad I really want
Choosing the course one like is very hard, now I realized it
Getting scolding here & there, from people I know, & dun know also scolding me
I was just disturbing Mathevi about getting run down by a car
Seriously I was jus joking, the least I expected it to be the true in one way or another way
As I was walking back home, after paying the bills, listening to my music. Wanted to cross the road, as I suddenly turned to my right hand side, there was this white car jus so close to my leg. I was SHOCKED but I my reaction was very slow. The man driving the car jus stared at me, but the best part was that I could not hear the horn. But I thank god nothing happened to me
I told Mathevi about it. She thought I really wanted to die && started telling me all the things
She send me 2 msgs. LOLS
I would normally kid about dying but relax, I m not serious, not all the times maybe: X
I still have a lot of things to achieve sial. I not going to die just like that
I need to earn myself a good name, need to show pal I also can live my life the way I want. I also can succeed in my life. && so on
Right now, many things are running in my mind. I dun know how to say & why m I having those thoughts. I want to scream my lungs out; I want to cry out loud
There are tears in my eyes but they are just too stubborn to run down my cheeks
I m not trying to be emo here, but I m jus letting my feelings typed down here
So anyone reading this, dun end up thinking I m an emo kid. I AINT A EMO KID
Tonight I going to take my time & think about the courses again
Aft tonight once I have decided, its FINAL
Not going to listen to anyone already aft today
If I ever make a mistake again, let me learn it by myself
If I ever regret, let me regret all by my side
If I ever fall down, let me pick myself up SLOWLY
It’s not that I dun need u people's help. I do need, not physically but mentally people
Tmr Mathevi & I going down to Bishan ite once again to appeal another course.
Nowadays I don’t know why but I dun feel hungry at all.
I skip my meals, drink less coke *like real*
Some pal said, I m FAT, but I dun think I m fat but I m chubby
Those are my baby fats. But because of these people’s comments
I have stopped eating, started skipping my meals & so on
Alrites I want to take a break now. I m seriously stressed. You all might think, such a small issue but I m making it a big issue & stuff. But to be frank, you people jus dun understand me & neither will you people will understand because you’re not in my position to understand or feel the pain
Okaee I have to stop now, if not I think I will continue talking crap again
Till I update again
((:
Labels: irritated, lousy, moody
Yea ppl guess who Is back?
Lol, Kirthi is back
Actually I dun hav much to update on
But after some thinking to some things, I have got some answers to my qns
I don’t have the word ,”BEST FRIEND” in my life
& I don’t think I want to have that word to
cause I feel that word does not last long with me more then than the word “ FRIEND “
I still can feel it that, friends stay longer in my life then best friend
I don’t know why also, but I don’t wish to find the answer to that qns
I just gonna leave things in the way they are, may be they are better off in these way
Why cant I have some space to breathe?? I feel very suffocated here, now for the current situation. I feel that some times some words are better off left unspoken
Its true in my case
I m not whining but I m jus stating some facts right here
I want to do what I feel like doing
I m not asking for much, just let me say my wish then you can say whatever u want next
Nothing is going to go wrong by giving me just some time, to say what I want
I had interest on nursing last time
I seriously was like, “WOW” on the way they treat ppl in life and they way ppl treated them back in life
I too wanted to be one, but I m sad to say that I seriously lost the interest in nursing
Neither it is my fault nor would I blame any one for that
May be as times flew by, I just lost it
But after getting my results, then I realized nursing isn’t my cup of tea
Trust me, I took really a long time to decide what I wanted in my life
Cause I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted
The courses I was offered, some weren’t that appealing to me
But I am not only looking at my studies, I m also looking on how I m supposed to upgrade from there.
When I choose the courses I want, just to please some ppl, I did put nursing as one of my choices, but what m I supposed to do, when the page showed, “ CODE ERROR, UR NOT ELIGIABLE TO APPLY FOR THE COURSE”
Its not my fault when the page turned out like that
When I was choosing the course, I did told them, these is what I m planning to take
&& all they did was, to just nod their head
after one fine day, they came up to me & asked what I eventually took
when I said I took hospitality operations, they were like, WTH???
After I have applied for the courses & stuffs, then you come up to me & say this & that
What m I supposed to do for that
What’s even more hurting is that, when your own family does not want to understand what I want, except for my sis & my sis in law. My brother was very angry with me, just cause I never appeal for nursing in poly
But did he even asked me, why didn’t I do tat??
Nahh he did not, all he was just in a anger just to slap me
& what more can u expect it, my dad was also supporting him
I cant say much, cause yea I know, I led u ppl down
But this isn’t the way you are supposed to treat me back right??
When you do a mistake, you learn from it
As if I wish to go ite like that, they are blaming me
Please don’t get the wrong idea that I m talking bad about ite
I m not, let me say that again I M NOT
I don’t even look down on them, but actually I m proud of them
Cause in ite its more of an HANDS ON place
All you ppl can think, it’s a bad environment
But I find it as a stepping stone for me
What more can I ask for, just a bit of support from you ppl
Cant u all just give me that at least??
Yesterday, was worst
As I was walking with my dad, he was talking to me
This is how it started
Dad: if ite is expensive what u planning to do??
Me: ermm *looks at his face* I wld stop schooling
Dad: hmm good, so what will u do next??
Me: work
Dad: where??
Me: I dun knw, I have to find for jobs
Dad: why don’t u join army??
Me: *stares at the sky* wth, *inner mind* I dun have the interest in army
& what makes u think that I want to join the army??
Dad: its also good wad, if not why don’t u work in the factory??
Me: can we jus drop the matter??
Dad: silence
Just imagine, what if I had gotten a poly??
Poly fees are even more expensive then ite
What he is going to say about it??
I have made up my plans already
I wished to go poly, but sadly I could not make it
Yes, I m regretting now, but what’s the point when everything is over now??
Then it took me days, to make up my plans again
A new dream, a new path to go ite
As I was building in the sand, the wave swept it away
Shattering my dreams apart, leaving behind just the bits & pieces of it
All I planned was 2 yrs of higher nitec in hospitality op in clementi ite
Then if I do well, I can go poly & take up dip in hospitality op & resort management
But I guess its nearly crushed down
But I have not given up my dream
I just have started my path, I m not so crazy to destroy it & build a new life
I have decided, to take this course & move on in life
Not going to listen to any one more regarding this studies
Sorry if I m being rude or blunt here, but I m hurt & confused enough to come up with such an answer
I know some ppl are angry with me due to the decision I have made
But I guess u need to give me some thought too
I hope you would understand
Don’t worry, I wont led u down again
& it’s a promise
remember I have jus dropped
I have to pick myself up, & move on
All I need is just some time & support from all u ppl
In the end, all I have is just u ppl in my life
Family, cousins sisters, brothers, friends
I hope u ppl haven fully given up on me
I would prove to u ppl one fine day that I have done u ppl proud
Tats abt my current life
&& I so cant wait for the chalet
going to have fun, alots alots alots alots of FUN
in these 3 days,2 nights all I going to think off is only laughter, bonding & happiness
sorrows, unhappiness & many others all gonna be left behind
takkaire, loves all
`kiRthi
Labels: life still goes on after all
