I promise... I will be back...

past not equal to furture

now a dayz m getting realli lazii
not onli tat but m having mixed emotions too
sumthings make me think a lot while others i dun even bother abt it
but today's entry is abt my mummi the heroine of my life && certain thingss

alrite mummi!!!!
i knw u can see me tat m writing tis letter to u
but u can't response to me && even if u do neither can i see it or hear it
certain things realli hurt me mum
i dun knw who to tell too but sumtimes i feel like crying out loud
but sumtimes i realli need a shoulder to pour out my sorrows
the size of my heart is realli small but inside it 1001 things r all bottled up
i dun knw wen it wld burst but wen it burst nth can be done ten

i always wanted to tell ya hw much u mean to me
but as i felt soo shy && found it soo childish tat my love for u
hav neva been expresses )):
as i wan to tell it nw, u aren't here
y mus u leave me sooo fast wen u promised me million thingss
but nw all those things hav vanished through thin air

17yrs ago a foetus was formed in ya womb
the place where nth can ever replace it
the place filled wit warmness & love & care & concern & everything
but ten i didn't knw time wld be realli short for me to cum out so soon frm the heavenly place
wen i came out i felt cold,shivery,scared ten i started crying hoping i wld get the warmness again
ten i heard ya heartbeat in those small ears & felt ya warmness once again
ten i realised i got bk the feeling again

each time wen i cried u picked me up && checked on me
thinkin sumthin might hav hurt me or even i was crying in hunger or aniting
i started to grew up
i grew up as a princess
a baby gal where she got everything && demanded for more
but tat baby gal didn't realise tat she was making use of her mother's love
she did not treasure tem
wen she got out of her cage she flew away far away frm her mother
where she thought she cld do aniting && everything in life

ten 16yrs later she started making her mother cry each && every nite
maybe she took revenge??? or was it tat she didn't realise the love???
she did not knw ten but nw wen tat baby gal is nw 17 she realised the truth
but the queen wasn't ard animore
she started regreting by crying,screaming out loud hoping she wld sumhw find the warmness again.but she didn't,she did not get it

sumtimes she wonders y is tat her sis && dad && even her dog cld see her && feel her presence
while she does not get it
is it her ill fate??? or the punishment tat she deserved??
&& ten she asked the queen," Y MUM U HATE ME SOOO MUCH??" or "DID I MAKE U SUFFER SOO MUCH??"
no answers given to her
but life as to still go on
she can't forget the incident her whole life till she close her eyes && take her last breath on earth
all she wish nw is tat once she is gone she wld go bk to her queen once again
hoping to ask for forgiveness && give her the big warmest hug ani1 cld get it on earth

as i walk dwn the streets
i see many mother & daughters holding hand walking
toking,laughing,eating,dancing,singing,fighting
&& i get jealous as i dun get to do ani of them again wit u
u mus be surprised hw cum i m writing abt u but i dun knw hw to express my love
so i realli hope u wld read tis && hug me in my dreams for once mum

as u were concerned for my studies && u said i was always playful
i m proud to say i struggled && passed my N'level
i passed every single subjects mum
i hope i made u proud
nw u as wished again m taking my Os tis yr
i hope i wld do ya proud again by passing them && pursuing my dreams
i jus wan u to give me ya blessing for everything i do mum
my love for u is not said by wrds,it can onli be felt by u && onli u

lotsa love
princess

nw my life story!!!!
i wonder y my bk of LIFE is soooo big && filled wit a lot of things
lolxx
every1 does face different kind of problem daily in life
i wld not say my problems here but jus i feel
INCOMPLETE && SCREWED && TROUBLED && LOST
tis wrds can describe hw i feel && wad is happeningg

time fly soooo fast tat nw is march gona end && april wld rise
2mths left for my Os MT papers
i hope tat i wld pass it
at least B3 or A2 is enough for meeee
god bless everyone && tc of my queen

Labels: lost soul

I gave you my promise

on Friday, March 28, 2008; 7:00 PM

lost love

after soooooooooooooooooooooooooo long m blogging againnn
nearly 1 mth later i guess
haizzz no time to blog abt my daily life but i do write it dwn
hmm lets see

there are many things i haven blog abt
&& seriously there are many things going through in my mind nwadays
but i hav no idea who to tell to && who wld eva bother to listen to wad i hav to say

maybe sum things are made to be jus hidden inside me
but my heart gets heavier each day && min && sec
jus a small heart can't contain everything
but my heart trying to contain it && trying its level best not to pour out

i believe tat i hav changed a bit
i can see for myself but sum ppl think its rong
i dun live for them so i dun care
but human beings do tok alot at times if u notice

being happi does not mean m happi all the times
sum times i do out up a fake smile to show others m happi
i dun knw y oso
i cry oso rong,shout oso rong,get angry oso rong,sumtimes i laugh oso rong
if everything i do is rong means,ten i do wad??
live a death life???

i hav no idea wad i m doing
but i do hav idea wad i wann do in life
i hav planned sum things in life the way i wan things to be
i hope it wld go && i wish i wld reach my dreams 1 day

in my life sum ppl hav drift away
the ppl whom i wan tem to stay r moving
those ppl whom i didn't actualli care are staying wit me in times of need
is tis called life or fate??
who to be wit && who not to be wit??
i dun knw!!!!!
but i knw there is 2 ppl who is always there for me no matter wad
1 is the hero of my life called my daddy && another is an angel of my life is called my sister
tis 2 special ppl are god's gift to me
my mum is now wit god so i dun realli need to thank her everyday cos i knw she is wit him
so i thank god is like thanking my mum
wit tis 2 ppl i can lead my life
not forgetting my dearest imsai of my life my brother
he is my eye opener for me
i realli love tis 3 ppl but i hav neva showed or tell them hw much i love them or hw much they mean to me
i m scared to tell cos of the age gap && the understanding between us

m sure they wld understand my love even though i hav neva tld them
i wld not say tis is a broken family but its a family which ppl are leading their own lifes but living together under 1 roof
tis is called my family && onli mine
no space for ani1 to enter or even break it

sumtimes i wish jus to go bk to my mum
cos she is the best lady i hav eva shared things wit
but nw she is no more i knw she is listening to me from a far away place
where she can hear me but i can't hear or see her
i dun understand y god has to take her soo fast frm my life???
she promised me many many things in tis world
but nw all those things jus vanish to the thin air
jus witin a snap
whoshhh
she is gone
away frm the world,family,me many many things

nothing in tis world is permanent
1 day every1 has to go
but i wish wen i go there i wld get to be wit her once again
my life,my world is u my mum
i may hav neva tld i love u to ya
but nw as i wanna tell u not hear to listen
but i jus wanna tell hw much i love u && mishh u in tis world
a place without u is like a place of hell,shattered place wit all broken glasses i hav to step onto
each day,hr,min,sec

last phrase of the day::: I LOVE U MUM &&
I LOVE U DAD
I LOVE U SISTER
I LOVE U BROTHER
together we live as 1

I gave you my promise

on Wednesday, March 19, 2008; 12:48 PM

twisted soul drifted away frm her body

ytd was supposed to be SPORTS DAY but due to the rain it was canceled
was damn sadd cos it was my last yr SPORTS DAY && had to be called off cos of the freaking rain
arghhhh ))):
aft tat me,bhavani,senbu,mathevi,durgesh didn't knw where to go
we wen to bishan interchange n spend nearly 15 mins to 1/2 hr thinking where to go
all had different ideas && wen 1 agrees another doesnt
sooo in the end planned to go to my paradise YISHUNN
slacked at MAC still wondering where to go
i thought our day was gonna be F*ED UP but it didn't
all planned to go bunny hse to cook n watch an horror movie
so the 5 sum took a cab to her place
got dwn at marsiling mrt station there n wen marketing
can u imagine 5 sch galz going marketing in their HSE T-SHIRT && CCA SKIRTS
bought spagetti *sry i forgot the spelling oopzyy*,pasta && 2 cans of mushroom soup
headed to the video shop spend another 10 mins to choose a film
in the end borrowed THE CLOSET a thai film
walked to bunny hse n started to wrk
durgesh was cooking the pasta while senbu the spagatti & me the soup while bhavani & matz were helping
while waiting for it to be cooked the 5 sums were toking stories
damn fun wit them mua smoochiessss
finalli the food for the day was cooked
unfortunately we didn't take the pics of the fabulous food cooked by us
got all set to watch the horror film
as usual matz was watching through the small holes of her hands,me hugging the pillow,durgesh beside me,senbu & bunny opp us
all were eating while watching the movie
i cld not eat finished as i was sooooo full aready
the movie was freaking BORING
half way through durgesh fell asleep lolx
the movie was making me slpy too but i tired not to slp
aft 65mins the movie ended
i wld say the worst suckadi movie i hav eva seen
started taking pics wit my hp,ten senba's fone followed by mathevi
we were jus camwhoring ytd
in the end wen we combine all the fotos it was like 278 pics excluding the deleted pics
we are known as the FUNNY FAMILY
where it consists of 5 wonderful ppl in it
me the daddy,senbu the mummy aka my wife,bunny the eldest daughter,durgesh the 2nd daughter,last but not least the 3rd daughter mathevi
we camwhored till ard 4pm+ ten wen bk to bunny hse to transfer all pics to the pc
ard 5pm we left started walking bk to the mrt station wit matz,senbu,durgesh
met fariz n his friend there
fariz tattoo is damn cool
but i knw it was very very painful hope he wld be alrite ((:
love ya my small bro lolx
headed bk hme
i thought my day wld end wit happiness but as usual it ended wit tears && unhappiness
reached hme by 6pm got freaking scolding frm my daddy
on y i was late n stuff
wen to take my shower
came to tell him abt my results but ended up getting scolding again
tis time round i was crying cos it was very hurting the way he talked sumthings
which i realli didn't expect him to tell but he tld off jus like tat

today morning i thought everything wld be normal
but i was scared cos today i was gonna get bk my progress report for TERM 1
as i was putting on my shoes got another scolding early in the morning
my dad tld me tat my teacher col my sis ytd to tell abt my results
&& hw badly i hav done
all over again the scolding started
was crying on my way to sch
i seriously dun like ppl to scold or irritate my day in the morning cos in the end my day wld be F*ED UP!!!!
was crying till i reached sch
can u imagine hw much of tears it caused i think can fill 2 bottles of it
was getting scared as time passed by
but i was still trying my level best to laugh && smile
12:30pm all were supposed to return to their classes to get their progress report
according to index order
i didn't get bk my result as my sis came n collect it bk hme
so i got even more scared cos i dun knw hw i did
was sitting on the fall in between mathevi's table && rani's table
was laughing n laughing creating jokes in the end started crying
ms wee came to me,she is realli very sweet
i love her alotz
she squat on the floor && was talking to me
she ten showed me my results
i started crying even more
as i realli didn't expect it to be sooooo badly done
was cryin till sch ended
was consoled by many but still i was realli very upset
so i asked my friends to follow me to the canteen to make a fone col to my dad
i called him && started crying
i expected him to scold me but he didn't
instead he talked to me very very nicely && lovingly
he asked me y i was crying && stuff && said dun cry i still got time to improve
&& mus work even harder to achieve beta results in my MYE
waited till 2:30 cos of senbu her dance practice was at 2:30
so me,durgesh,bhavani,senbu slacked till 2:30
we were talking while can say waiting for matz to cum bk frm her CWO
before 2:30 she came bk
then senbu had to leave soooo sadd
ten me,matz,durgesh,bhavani headed to MAC as we were hungry
while eating all were talking cock stories
seriously but it was funny
i realli enjoy being wit my family aka friendss
ard 3:30 we left walked to the 2nd bus-stop
waited for our buses to cum
surprisingly 855 came 1st so i flagged the bus && it stopped
my friends started to say BYE DADDY,TC,SEE U SOON
ponna cute sial they all
came bk hme,had my shower && wen up to my dad n lay dwn at his lap
he ten encouraged me to do much beta n dun eva show tis kind of results again
was kinda happi && consoled but still feeling sad cos i realli didn't expect to do sooo badly for all my subjects
wen bk to my rm,was thinking,doing sum file wrk,playing wit johnny n stuff
&& nw blogging aft sooo long i guess
need to realli pull up my socks && get cracking at my wrk
can't wait for sch on monday even though its so called "MARCH HOLIDAYS " for us
will get to see my friends again

m seriously very very tired of crying
it hurts alot
but sum ppl dun realli understand me
m nt toking abt ani1 in particular so dun bother guessing who is it && stuff
its jus for me alone to knw tats all
got to run nw,damn slpy but hav to eat my dinner 1st if not my daddy wld nag all over again

' twisted soul drifted apart frm her body

I gave you my promise

on Friday, March 7, 2008; 7:50 PM

hate ittt

today was like sooo damn fucked up for me
cos sum things jus got stuck onto my brain
i hate such things in life
tats abt my hatred

nw abt my happiness
i asked my dad if i cld go to gamar's b'day
&& guess wad???
he said i cld go
maybe tat wld be my last outing
wo0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o

matz kept making me laugh today
even though i was mood out
she is my bestu partner both in crimes n laughter
another pig was bhuff she kept asking me wad was rong wit me
ten i said nth && put up a smile for her

certain things i dun knw hw to tell
but i jus wanna keep witin myself
my daddy wasss sooo cute
he cooked today && he said he neva jus to see wad was my reaction

not onli tat he bought all tibits tat me n my sis love
hahahahah
i knw he loves us
i love him tooo
but at times he does not show his love to us esp me
which hurts me alot
but nahhh its alritess

gotta run nw
gonna do my wrk nw
got tuition laterr
guess wad???
i neva do ani of my tuition wrk
gonna be deaddd =P

' intox gall

I gave you my promise

on Monday, March 3, 2008; 5:27 PM