heartbroken soul

i am back

2009-06-01T04:24:00.000-07:00

time check 20:46, 01/06/09 ((:

HELLO ((:
i'm BACK after a really LONG long time peepz

sorry for the late blogging cos blame it on
1) my pure LAZINESS
2) started sch, busy with the late ending timing
3) other impt things to attend to

I am blogging now, since i have the time
i dont knw when wld be my next update

probably during my holidays

i wld like to blog a very short entry
jus to show ppl that i am still ALIVE && NOT DEAD
& oso to keep my blog alive too

sch has been a killer due to the new timing
environment which i still haven got used to it yet
having studies in a galz sch for 11yrs, studying in a new environment is totally smth new to me.
trust me when i say that

it took me 3 weeks jus to eat in sch
frm the 1st day in sch till ard 3 wks, i dont even eat at all in sch
my breaks i wld drink water & survive on it
back home then i wld eat, which wld be my dinner then

i realise that i leave for sch before the sun rise && aft the sun set
so sad enough thats how long my sch hours are

but sch is not as bad i think. i made new friends
my classmates are very nice ppl
those who are really super duper hyper active ppl
i m glad to have them as part of my class

within the 1st term i passed all my test
which is a big surprise to me
lol
only those who knw me well, wld knw the ans.

okaee enough abt the new sch thingy

life is going pretty well for me recently

family, friends, strangers, enemies been all fine
by always having a role to play in my life

as for today, i had my nursing studies exam
which was really a killer, but i managed to do
sad to say, i didnt had enough time
hope to pass it

tmr, have decided to meet my classmates cum friends
for bio revision as i m going to hav my bio exam on this coming wed
hope to have fun with this ppl

wed is my bio exam

thurs is my nafah ( i dont think its the correct spelling ) :D

friday i got my 2nd injection before i get to go for my attachment

then its holidays baby!!!!
which i have been waiting for a really long long time

alritess i gtg now
shall be back with an another entry soon
till then tata bubbye
with love spreading around
from: kiRthi ((:

Paradise

2009-03-13T22:35:00.001-07:00

time check: 14th March, 14:02pm

Well i am back once again after some time
i wanted to blog long time back but i was too lazy && i don't know what to blog about
hmm actually i lost in count of the days

let me think
last week sat i rmb going out with my sis
for SHOPPING ((:
if ppl know me well enough i m not the type of gal who loves shopping & stuff
infact i dont like it that much cos must walk & walk & walk
but once in a while i love to do that
its kinda fun && stress free

&& i think we ended buying many stuff
& i also bought the book which i was wanting to get a long time back, realli a long time back.
i bought straws too, just to keep myself occupied by making straw hearts

sunday went over to my princess's hse
spend some time there with my bro && family
after that me & sis wen for shopping once again
i guess the weekends were spend for shopping only

dad's b'day was on the 11th march
the siblings & i surprised him at mid nite
haha it was fun
just the 4 of us , but missing out the one particular important person, Mummy
but i am sure, she was watching us celebrate the b'day

at nite went for dinner with the family including bro, anni && lil princess
was fun
the laughter, jokes, chats
missed them alot

oh ya i have read the book finish alr
now planning to buy another book soon

i know this post is soooo simple && boring
but i jus wanted to update thats all

takkaire all

till i blog again

&& to you all i want to say to u is that i am SORRY for troubling you all the while
its time i let u go
&& it all vanished in a finger snap, my dream, my love, my friendship
let me tell it for the last time, How i wish i could hold [YOUR] hands & walk till the end, just [YOU & ME] all alone ((:
i wish you all the best in whateva you do
& i PROMISE to be there for ya till the day u turn back to me
takkaire & bye my friend

[ b.R.o.K.e.N - h.E.a.R.t.E.d ]

2009-02-19T17:50:00.000-08:00

I don’t know why but when ever I want to blog

At least one bad thing would happen

I don’t know why is that so also.

Its always like that & trust me I hate that feeling

It sucks big time, but certain things are inevitable

Many have said that I always blog about my unhappiness & sorrows only

Its not that case, I do have the moments of joys, laughter, tears of joys & etc

I am not always the emo type. Anyways I am not blaming anyone here

But its my blog, & I do feel that I do have the right to choose what I want to write.

I am not being a wet blanket here. But I just felt some things are meant to be said out.

Lets see this time round what do I have to blabber about or complain about

Trust me I am not like last time, I have made myself or should I say things have made me stronger. Let it be things or incidents, I have learnt how to pick myself up & move on

But come on, I am also a girl who needs some time or rather to look back at her life & think through whether the things are happening the way its supposed to be or am I supposed to make things happen in the way its supposed to be.

From the starting of the year, things have not been right for me

Let it be my results, or personal life or anything

THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE

But I know everything happens for a reason, that’s what I always tell myself in order to survive in this world.

I don’t want to go deep into any particular incident

All things stated here aint the whole story, so don’t assume things just like that

All I can say that I have been broken hearted. More like I am having a broken heart right now. Things have hurt me so much, & here I am trying my level best to keep up with my smile & not let a single tear roll down my cheek. But I fail to do so. Each time something happens, immediately tears start to stream down like there is no tmr I would start weeping. For some people, they feel better when they say it out to someone close, or a stranger. For some, they would vent it on non living products, breaking them up, punching the walls, dustbin & stuffs. But even the non living things do have a heart

Is just that we don’t get to see them, nor feel them. But for others, they would rather cry their heart out. I am in this particular group. I prefer crying it out then telling it to someone else. Because nowadays no one can be trusted, not even a single soul.

All of them would cheat you at least one point of their life time. So far I have seen this happening.

Right now, I am trying to survive with this broken heart

Not to worry but I would survive through with no more tears shed, maybe.

Picking up bits and pieces of the broken glass trying to get back the same old picture

Even though I might get back the same picture but with scars on it

Someone told me that don’t hurt the heart that loves you

But I guess that person itself don’t understand the meaning of it

Or is it me who don’t understand?? Hmm

&& I can just continue like this, but not now

maybe some other time

takkaire all ((:

till I blog again

random

2009-02-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

hello wello i m back once again ((:

i have lost in touch with my blog alr
i dun knw where to start wad oso
cos thats how much many things have been happening recently in my life

let it be sadness or happiness
sorrows or anger
tears or laughter *hey isnt happiness = laughter* LOL

hmm the one day event which i was waiting for has finally been over
THAIPUSAM!!! oh man
its called the fever time
hahaha

i am talking as though i m some typical 5-feet * say in in tamil*
hahaha
aniways coming back to the topic
thaipusam was fun but it was not like those time
seriously time have changed && so did the ppl
my dad took in the morning with another man

oh well i got to see many ppl
some known && unknown ppl
haizz

in simpler forms i would just say that this year thaipusam was just okae

the day was seriously very hectic for me
not onli for me but oso for those ppl who were helping out
i thank god that the day is finally over

this month is oso known as the love month
yeahhh Valentine's day is approaching
but these year Valentine's is gonna be something different cos
i would be at home, killing time
unlike those days spend in school, with my loved ones
exchanging gifts, letters but nothing like that will ever happen again

those days are over && they are just left in my memory
omg!!! i miss those dayssssss

coming back to the reality
someone asked me if i ever got a date
how would i spend the day with him
hahaha
it was a wonderful experience telling another person what kind of date you want
ohh ya i want a guy like prabu deva
omg!!!!! i mean like his character in the movie kaadhalan

he is the man!!!!
the character suits him very well
the way he took care of his so called gf
thats damn sweet

okaee i am super tiredd
i want to drink coke
i m freaking thirsty

till i blog again
((:

mixed emotions

2009-02-01T22:50:00.000-08:00

I m sickkkkk ):

I having the ear infection, flu, it sucks being sick

Arghhh

Anyways I got my posting results

DAMN IT!!!!!!

I got accounting at Simei ITE, I didn’t get my 1^st choice

But I’m going to appeal on Monday

Bro is driving me to Clementi ITE to appeal for hospitality operations

Then to Bishan ITE to appeal for business admin course

I wish to get my 1^st choice man

& I really hope I would get it

Things are not fine for me & I dun know y

But I know everything happens for a reason

That’s what I have been saying all these while

Btw its Monday alr. This post was supposed to be on the Friday

But due to my sis, it’s posted on Monday itself

Fri:

-posting of sch & course

Sat:

-went out wit punetha sis, durga sis, meera sis & met shamini sis at Causeway Point

Hanged ard ard for a while, went to hunt for the price of I pod.

I have been badly wanting one till now. Aft walking ard then decided to go to shamini sis’s hse for a dinner. Ordered KFC & Pizza. OMG!!! The food was filling

I could not eat much, not like last time. Anyway I was not even a good eater to mention abt the last time. LOLS

-pictures to come soon ((:

Sun:

-went out wit my sis to North Point to buy some stuffs & she wanted to do her shoe

But ended up buying a new pair of heels

It’s very nice && I so love it

- took a train to AMK to collect file from sangeetha

- Then headed back to North point, for a quick shopping, before heading back home.

- Later part in the evening, got dressed up for a wedding held at Sembawang C.C. the bride looked beautiful & cute in the sari. The C.C was small but a lot of people there. It was too full that, some, I think nearly another ¾ were standing outside & watching the wedding ceremony.

-pictures to come soon ((:

Mon (today) :

- went to Clementi ite, BAD experience ):

- Bro dropped me at jurong mrt station, took a train down to bishan ite. On the way I saw my childhood friend Shalini, still look the same as ever.

- Choose a course but guess wad I chose?? PRODUCT DESIGN, using my N’s cert. now I feeling really lousy abt my choice

I m so fickle minded. OMG!!!!!! I dun know wad I really want

Choosing the course one like is very hard, now I realized it

Getting scolding here & there, from people I know, & dun know also scolding me

I was just disturbing Mathevi about getting run down by a car

Seriously I was jus joking, the least I expected it to be the true in one way or another way

As I was walking back home, after paying the bills, listening to my music. Wanted to cross the road, as I suddenly turned to my right hand side, there was this white car jus so close to my leg. I was SHOCKED but I my reaction was very slow. The man driving the car jus stared at me, but the best part was that I could not hear the horn. But I thank god nothing happened to me

I told Mathevi about it. She thought I really wanted to die && started telling me all the things

She send me 2 msgs. LOLS

I would normally kid about dying but relax, I m not serious, not all the times maybe: X

I still have a lot of things to achieve sial. I not going to die just like that

I need to earn myself a good name, need to show pal I also can live my life the way I want. I also can succeed in my life. && so on

Right now, many things are running in my mind. I dun know how to say & why m I having those thoughts. I want to scream my lungs out; I want to cry out loud

There are tears in my eyes but they are just too stubborn to run down my cheeks

I m not trying to be emo here, but I m jus letting my feelings typed down here

So anyone reading this, dun end up thinking I m an emo kid. I AINT A EMO KID

Tonight I going to take my time & think about the courses again

Aft tonight once I have decided, its FINAL

Not going to listen to anyone already aft today

If I ever make a mistake again, let me learn it by myself

If I ever regret, let me regret all by my side

If I ever fall down, let me pick myself up SLOWLY

It’s not that I dun need u people's help. I do need, not physically but mentally people

Tmr Mathevi & I going down to Bishan ite once again to appeal another course.

Nowadays I don’t know why but I dun feel hungry at all.

I skip my meals, drink less coke *like real*

Some pal said, I m FAT, but I dun think I m fat but I m chubby

Those are my baby fats. But because of these people’s comments

I have stopped eating, started skipping my meals & so on

Alrites I want to take a break now. I m seriously stressed. You all might think, such a small issue but I m making it a big issue & stuff. But to be frank, you people jus dun understand me & neither will you people will understand because you’re not in my position to understand or feel the pain

Okaee I have to stop now, if not I think I will continue talking crap again

Till I update again

((:

let me have some space to breathe

2009-01-21T20:49:00.000-08:00

Yea ppl guess who Is back?

Lol, Kirthi is back

Actually I dun hav much to update on

But after some thinking to some things, I have got some answers to my qns

I don’t have the word ,”BEST FRIEND” in my life

& I don’t think I want to have that word to

cause I feel that word does not last long with me more then than the word “ FRIEND “

I still can feel it that, friends stay longer in my life then best friend

I don’t know why also, but I don’t wish to find the answer to that qns

I just gonna leave things in the way they are, may be they are better off in these way

Why cant I have some space to breathe?? I feel very suffocated here, now for the current situation. I feel that some times some words are better off left unspoken

Its true in my case

I m not whining but I m jus stating some facts right here

I want to do what I feel like doing

I m not asking for much, just let me say my wish then you can say whatever u want next

Nothing is going to go wrong by giving me just some time, to say what I want

I had interest on nursing last time

I seriously was like, “WOW” on the way they treat ppl in life and they way ppl treated them back in life

I too wanted to be one, but I m sad to say that I seriously lost the interest in nursing

Neither it is my fault nor would I blame any one for that

May be as times flew by, I just lost it

But after getting my results, then I realized nursing isn’t my cup of tea

Trust me, I took really a long time to decide what I wanted in my life

Cause I just couldn’t figure out what I wanted

The courses I was offered, some weren’t that appealing to me

But I am not only looking at my studies, I m also looking on how I m supposed to upgrade from there.

When I choose the courses I want, just to please some ppl, I did put nursing as one of my choices, but what m I supposed to do, when the page showed, “ CODE ERROR, UR NOT ELIGIABLE TO APPLY FOR THE COURSE”

Its not my fault when the page turned out like that

When I was choosing the course, I did told them, these is what I m planning to take

&& all they did was, to just nod their head

after one fine day, they came up to me & asked what I eventually took

when I said I took hospitality operations, they were like, WTH???

After I have applied for the courses & stuffs, then you come up to me & say this & that

What m I supposed to do for that

What’s even more hurting is that, when your own family does not want to understand what I want, except for my sis & my sis in law. My brother was very angry with me, just cause I never appeal for nursing in poly

But did he even asked me, why didn’t I do tat??

Nahh he did not, all he was just in a anger just to slap me

& what more can u expect it, my dad was also supporting him

I cant say much, cause yea I know, I led u ppl down

But this isn’t the way you are supposed to treat me back right??

When you do a mistake, you learn from it

As if I wish to go ite like that, they are blaming me

Please don’t get the wrong idea that I m talking bad about ite

I m not, let me say that again I M NOT

I don’t even look down on them, but actually I m proud of them

Cause in ite its more of an HANDS ON place

All you ppl can think, it’s a bad environment

But I find it as a stepping stone for me

What more can I ask for, just a bit of support from you ppl

Cant u all just give me that at least??

Yesterday, was worst

As I was walking with my dad, he was talking to me

This is how it started

Dad: if ite is expensive what u planning to do??

Me: ermm *looks at his face* I wld stop schooling

Dad: hmm good, so what will u do next??

Me: work

Dad: where??

Me: I dun knw, I have to find for jobs

Dad: why don’t u join army??

Me: *stares at the sky* wth, *inner mind* I dun have the interest in army

& what makes u think that I want to join the army??

Dad: its also good wad, if not why don’t u work in the factory??

Me: can we jus drop the matter??

Dad: silence

Just imagine, what if I had gotten a poly??

Poly fees are even more expensive then ite

What he is going to say about it??

I have made up my plans already

I wished to go poly, but sadly I could not make it

Yes, I m regretting now, but what’s the point when everything is over now??

Then it took me days, to make up my plans again

A new dream, a new path to go ite

As I was building in the sand, the wave swept it away

Shattering my dreams apart, leaving behind just the bits & pieces of it

All I planned was 2 yrs of higher nitec in hospitality op in clementi ite

Then if I do well, I can go poly & take up dip in hospitality op & resort management

But I guess its nearly crushed down

But I have not given up my dream

I just have started my path, I m not so crazy to destroy it & build a new life

I have decided, to take this course & move on in life

Not going to listen to any one more regarding this studies

Sorry if I m being rude or blunt here, but I m hurt & confused enough to come up with such an answer

I know some ppl are angry with me due to the decision I have made

But I guess u need to give me some thought too

I hope you would understand

Don’t worry, I wont led u down again

& it’s a promise

remember I have jus dropped

I have to pick myself up, & move on

All I need is just some time & support from all u ppl

In the end, all I have is just u ppl in my life

Family, cousins sisters, brothers, friends

I hope u ppl haven fully given up on me

I would prove to u ppl one fine day that I have done u ppl proud

Tats abt my current life

&& I so cant wait for the chalet

going to have fun, alots alots alots alots of FUN

in these 3 days,2 nights all I going to think off is only laughter, bonding & happiness

sorrows, unhappiness & many others all gonna be left behind

takkaire, loves all

`kiRthi

sum words are left unspoken

2009-01-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

i m BACK :D

day before ytd was my b'day
Happy Belated B'day to me
i turned 18
legal age
lolz
but no big deal

a yr wiser & of course there wld be more responsibilities
1st of all i wld like to thank to those who wished me on tat day
&& who were wit me through out the day till nite
i had a wonderful celebration wit my friends at ecp

ppl who came there jus for me are:

bhavani
matz
aravin
unithaa
her guy shashi
gowri & her guy kanna
kanna's friend barnabas
fazila darlz
seema
manju & her cuz *but left way earlier*
vinothan
& his two other friends sam & kuna

even though lesser ppl
but i sld say i had fun
i was surprised tat vinoth came for the b'day
he is my best friend whom i hav been toking to for nearly 4yrs
but he has neva seen me before but we got to meet on my b'day itself
i thank god for tat

here are sum pics taken on my b'day

tat were my 18th b'day pics

took a cab hme wit bhavani,seema & aravin dropped them at khatib
they took a train bk hme
& me took the same cab home
reached hme ard 11.40pm

ytd 18/01 was sunday
went for a movie date wit sis
to watch Padikathavan
the movie was nice
but i prefer the comedy scenes
i cld not stop myself frm laughing

sum pics wit the twinster

headed bk hme
&& the usual routine
watching tv, slacking, online, friendstering, facebooking etc etc

i m tired now
gonna take a break
need to think abt sum things
till i blog again
signing off

kiRthi
:D

random

2009-01-10T04:39:00.000-08:00

1st entry of the year 2009
:D

aniways HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR

its gonna be a short but a sweet entry

eve of new year was spend at kamlesh anni's hse wit all the cuz
it was fun..realli fun

the dance,moments of joys, the craziness && many more
those moments wld be the sweetest memory created for the start of the year

so far things hav been realli good
going smooth as possible
i m happy abt it

another happy but nervous kinda issue is my results
as i think back..i can say it was quite a long path
but now the times are too fast i sld say

day aft tmr wld be my results
even though i hav the confidence in me tat i wld pass but there is still a bit of fear which is mixed along wit my confidence

no matter wad my mind hav been made up
nursing is wad i wan
&& i think it wld be the best for me

even though it may be tough but i m sure tat i wld be able to make it through

i jus wanna thank sum ppl..may be i sld say all the ppl i knw
they hav been giving me the strength & believe tat i can make it through
so a heart filled "THANK YOU PEOPLE, I LOVE U ALL"

&& another happy news
i gonna turn 18 next sat
haha

i hav planned sum things

like to go temple in the morning
then to my cus hse for the prayers
then head out to meet my friends
i hope it wld be a wonderful day for me

&& i oso wish tat tis year wld be a blessed year for me

alrites ppl
takkaire
loves all :D

&& hav a bless year ahead

P.S: i m happy for u now...now tat u hav found sum1 beta
plsh be wit them && dun go ard..treasure the person alot
god bless ya && i didnt knw a lie tat i tld wld be the truth now

moments of joy

2008-12-31T12:35:00.000-08:00

the pics of the year 2008 :)

her passion is to be guitarist && to play her own music piece
with crowded ppl watching her play
&& i wish tat it wld cum true one day

iLY sister :D

the mummy's look alike
maybe i sld say her twin sister
hahaha
her clothes,her daughter,her creation
made me the gal named KIRTHI

the 2nd family tat god created for me
my love for them wld be there foreva till my last breath
i may not hav said i love you to them directly but deep down my heart
i do mean it
the moments spend wit them is PRICELESS
:D

the lil princess of my life
there is no words to describe her
cos she is an angel
my beautiful baby princess HIROSHINI

he is another god send angel
the most irritant but lovely brother
no matter how much he scolds me i end up being wit him still
i knw he loves to nag but jus cos he is concerned abt me
i knw tat bro
&& i love u alotz
be back home soon
missing u alotz
:D

the most sexxiest person && the small lil cutey name bhavani
my anni
haha my lovable princess's mum the queen
she can be the best friend,mentor,funny,motivator && so on & so forth
i love her too many many more

he the creation my daddy
as simple as tat
i love him alot
no words to explain my love for him
jus takkaire of urself dadh
&& see wad ur doing alritess
rmb, i dun hate u but i love u

last but not least
my mother
my twinster
my love
my life
my friend
my angel
&& many many more i can name
even though she is not here animore
i knw deep dwn my heart,she is wit me all the time
rite mama??
i love ya too
&& i knw u love me oso
cos i can feel it
=)

so the year is finally gonna end alr
its 31 dec 2008
yahhooooo

lets rock the nite ppl
enjoy urself
be safe && sound
&& lets all welcum the NEW YEAR together

*CHEERS*

takkaire lovess

hope to hav the most fantastic new year wit new things && wit new ppl

myLILstory

2008-12-30T13:54:00.000-08:00

i m happy today
hahaha :D

jus too happy i think

realli,music makes 1 beta
its true
i always feel happy && excited wen i m singing && listening to songs

i cant wait for tmr man
too excited
its gonna be a celebration wit my cuzz
tats cool

the year is gonna end alr

i hav planned things for next yr

okaeee my new year resolutions

1) pass my Os
2) enter a poly wit the course i wan
3) control my anger
4) changed person *m trying*
5) get a new fone *i badly need one*
6) move on in live
&& to smile foreva

hav a eva lasting smile like tis :D

i hope i make those resolutions cum true

&& i sooo cant wait for my b'day

turning 18 soon

friends are planning a surprise for me
they not planning to tell me aniting

1st time gonna spend my b'day wit my friends
i wish the whole day

i think before my b'day i wld be getting my Os results
i hope to hav done my best
my dream is to either take nursing or bio-medical course
its very interesting :P

okaee i gonna enjoy listening to music again

takkaire ppl

&& guess wad??

nobody tagged me regarding my lil story
soo sad

hahah :(

nahh jus kidding

its an simple story wit many meanings in it
if u understood it

takkaire peeps
loves all
:D

my wish

2008-12-26T14:13:00.000-08:00

You aren’t the small gal any more; I used to once know my child.

You have grown up now my lil gal, to see what the world has now for u

Many more things to see, feel in tis ugly but beautiful world.

Wake up my lil princess. Its time to let for of my hand and wander

Into the wilderness alone, all by yourself.

You may fear, but fear not cos ur MUM is always watching upon you my child.

The path u are going to walk now, might have thorns on it. Stop by it & pick it up

& throw it in a safer place where you know tat no one wld get hurt.

Carry on the journey, with no worries. Remember my child, that there is a handkerchief

In your right pocket. I placed it there for you, cause I know there would be a day where

Tears would be streaming down from those baby eyes of yours & I might not be there

To wipe those tears for you. Run along my dear gal, run as far as you can. But remember

To turn back one fine day to see that beautiful, sorrowful path that you have crossed successfully. There would be a day where there would be this person who will steal your heart without you knowing. You don’t have to worry my child, he would be on his way to meet his queen now, as I told him to, “Go faster, my lil princess is all alone by herself”

& he promised to be with you through your toughest times, to suffer with you in pain and also to rejoice in your moments of happiness, & also to catch those ugly tears if there were any running down from those rosy cheeks of yours. But my dear princess all I want you to remember these thing in your mind. Just get it glued to those soft heart of yours that, “ You are and will be my only princess in my eyes, no matter how much you have grown up to. Even when you have grown old with those ugly wiggly wrinkles in those beautiful smooth face of yours. & even when those beautiful soft babyish hair which will turn from black to all white. I promise to be with you all the while, deep down your heart. It’s a promise a dad make it to his angel. & I love you all my life my lil princess

okay, I wrote this when I seriously in my own dream world

I dun know why, but when the pen was in between my fingers, I started writing down

This thing. I think I was in my own dream world. Hahaha but you know what, I wish those things were for real. I think I have been living in my fantasy world of my own

But there feeling alone is very nice. I know it’s a random post

But I just wanted to post this thingy.

&& hey m turning 18 next month

I have been preparing things for my lil b’day party

I hav planned to invite sum ppl, I mean all my friends onli

Its jus a small b’day celebration cum friends get-to-gather.

Hahah I cant wait for my b’day

Not cause for the party, but I wanna see those ppl who really rmb my b’day & wish me whole heartedly.

Not forgetting my GIFTS!!!!

It’s a mustttt

Nahhh jus kidding

All I want is jus a wish from all my friends

Okay m getting bored now

Gonna listen to songs && pen down all my thoughts on the handy dandy book of mine

Takkaire all && I love u ppl

iMISSlongHAIR

2008-12-08T16:22:00.000-08:00

its gonna be a random post
as i seriously hav no idea wad to blog
hmm let me think

actualli to tell the truth
i lost the count of days since i last blogged
frm tat day till now
many things hav taken place in my life

i realli hate sum things for now
not onli certain things but sum ppl too

i dun wanna mention names here

aniwayssss

my heart is beating fast nowadays
due to the mth is gonna end

&& new yr is gonna cum
so is my Os results
arghhhh

to me..i hav done my best
so i wld let god do the rest
i wld pass
i knw tat
but i dun wan to hav high hopes too

i hav made my plans for both good or bad results

GOOD results:
go either np or nyp
take nursing course && study la

BAD results:
go ite & take nursing course

if u notice
either ways oso i wld take nursing
maybe tats wad my wish is
maybe not

as days pass by
my interest on nursing is dropping
but i hav no choice
cos tats my dad's wish

many ppl hav tld me
follow wad ur heart says not wad others hav said
but to hav a good life
i hav decided on it

i jus gonna lead the way life leads me
even if there are obstacles dwn the road for me
i wld cross them wit a smile

&&& guess wad

finalli i hav dyed my hair
hahah
i was jus waiting for the day man
goshhh

here is a pics of it

i soo love my hair
but i miss my LONG hair
:(

but i love tis hair

alritesss
m sooo boredd
i promise to upload pics in the next entry

time is moving on fast

2008-11-27T18:08:00.000-08:00

as the year is gonna end soon in another
to be exact another 34days time
2008 wld be gone && every one wld be getting ready to
welcum 2009

i can't wait for the year to end
jus for 2 simple reasons

1) my Os results cuming out by thr 1st 2wks of jan
2) followed my by BIRTHDAY

actualli i can't wait for my b'day
i'm gonna be 18
but NO BIG diff
yeshh m getting OLDER but not TALLER

nowadays i feel sooo SICK
seriously
its IRRITATING
but i dun knw y

i wen for an interview today
i was PRETTY shock to hear wad the manager said abt me
actualli i did not even tok much
u knw wad??
actualli i was not realli interested to find jobs alr
but i jus wen wit my friend
i tld her i do not wan to go for the interview
she said its okae
jus try && if u dun get it then its totalli fine

BUT!!!!!

the guy said i m intelligent
&& he said tat it reminded him as wen he was young
in my age
it seems i m very energetic && not shy at all
&& i do hav a positive attitude
but wadeva he said was not true
i mean come on la
i dun even think m sooo energetic
&& of course m bloody hell SHY
hahahah

wadeva he tld was totalli opp abt me
but wait
m i like tat or wad??
*thinking in process*

at the end of the interview
all of us were to write either one of the followings:

1) interested
2) not interested
3) consider

i was abt to write tat i was not interested
due to many reasons
but even before i cld write anything
he jus pulled the paper away frm me && all he said to me was
" I WLD C U ON DEC 5"

i was like WHAT????
trust me its not easy doing a telemarketing job
i had a hard time doing once

wen he calls me again
i gonna say m not interested
but sry

the mth is gonna end soon
&& its gonna be DEC
cum on!!!!

i wanna enjoy my last mth
to the fullest
many ppl promised me many dates on DEC
&& i realli need to relax
my mind is PRETTY much occupied by too many other stuffs
its time for me to relax && enjoy my holiday
so i gonna enjoy to the max &&

wen Jan 2009 cums
i gonna panic like hell
cos the days wld run fast
&& soon wld be my Os results
arghhhh
I CAN'T IMAGINE things are moving tooooooooooo fast

okaee i gonna end my entry here
as i m TIRED
i think m SICK!!!!
OMG

takkaire
loves all
:)

i'm back

2008-11-17T22:02:00.000-08:00

it feels like being on heaven wen u blog aft a very very long time
hahah
hmm last blogged on sept now its alr nov
&& yeshh im done wit my Os
now i m a VO (vetti officer) at hme onli

actualli had many tings in my mind to blog
but now i m totalli mind blocked
lolx

wad i got to say???
i hav no idea

but let me say smth
i m SERIOUSLY tired

ohhh ya i can't wait to DYE my hair
the day i was waiting for gonna arrive soon

jus a feeling

i got to tell tis seriously

i hav tis WILD feeling
a realli wild one

i always wanted to meet wit an accident
in the middle of the road
blood shed ard me
&& i go half blank
cld hear the ambulance siren
rush dwn to hospital
inform my family members
&& they rush dwn *if onli*

tats cool
i wish it happens man
hahah
wad a wish

aniways i hav many many pics to upload
but i wld upload them soon
as i m tired && of course m lazy now

gonna see my lil princess hiroshini soon
been sum time since i last spend time wit tat angel
she is adorable
alrites

oh ya i read tis following para in mag
&& i liked it very much
cos i tink i can relate myself to it
so here it goes

"If i had been born wit a clockwork heart,
i wld hav been fine.Every time sum1 broke it,
i wld simply hav to check all the bits & pieces,
replace a few,& it wld be as good as new.One day's
work mere hour or two
But i wasn't blessed wit an mechanical heart. And
the one tat pumped away inside my chest seemed to be
particularly fragile"

tats the para
it realli suits me

alrites i realli got to go now
if not i won't hav enough time to spend wit the lil angel

takkaire
loves all
but i miss sum ppl not sum but all

her life jounery continues

2008-09-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

hello to all
i knw its been ages since i last blog
was bz && stuffsss

well i can't really recall wad eva hav occurred for the past few wks
frm the month of aug to sept
but i can onli rmb me taking many many pics
LOLX

i sld say tat i did not take my maths paper 2 && my chem paper
for my prelims
i was feeling too giddy
&& was flat on my table even before the exam started
&& guess wad??
i was running a temperature
so sadly i had to leave the hall wit all my things packed
was send to the office,waiting for my DEAR bro to pick me up
but tat dearie onli came like 2hrs+ later
haizzz
but its alrites
i still LOVE u && u knw tat too

then we both headed to the poly clinic
he claimed to be sick oso but hmm onli i knw the truth bro
*evil laughter*

after tat,he drove me to hav our lunch
tat lunch was special to me
cos aft soo long m having a lunch wit him alone
hahah
i had a great meal

after sum wandering abt up && dwn
headed to each other hse to rest
i meant,he wen to his hse,&& i wen to my hse
in the evening wen to hospital to pay a visit to daddy
trust me i missed him more then u can imagine ppl

here are sum pics during the hospital visit at each diff days

before leaving my hse

wen i becum bored && btw i was trying to look like a man
wit a moustach but i failed i guess

i love tis shot i took wit her cos of the editing

the red indian gal

the reflection of me

new top,new hair style but the old me

while waiting for daddy as i was left alone && there was no
1 to entertain me :(

the yellow watch advertisment

like the old sch,its the old me

jus a bit of taste of colours realli make a wonder

i love tis pic too && we were the patients for the nite :)

so tats were the pics taken during the visit :D

actualli i hav nothing to blog abt
nth sooo special happened in my life during tis period of time

i dun knw y but i m in love wit tis song frm Mozhi
Pesa Madandhaiye && it realli niceeeeee

oh ya totalli forgot abt tis
regarding abt my earlier entry
shamz sis said she wld lend me the book
HAHAH
finalli i got sum1 to lend me the book i was waiting for
&& m waiting for the book
hmph!!!!

another issue before i sign off
i planning to cut my hair
its too long...so for a change its time for a short hair do
&& gonna trim my fringe too its too long && guess wad
all of them are the same length alr
haizzz
i thought i was the onli 1 who needed a hair cut
but i was rong
my sis,my anni, && sum more ppl wants a new hair cut too

to my sis
: EVERY CENTS COUNTS :D
" gonna cut my hair"
hahaha onli she understands
P.S i love u muackzz

okaee now i hav to go.
as usual listen to songs,day dream && of course
catch good movies at hme
tats the best place to be

P.S i realli need to thank those who were there
wen i realli needed them
not gonna mention names
but u ppl knw who u are
till the end i wld love u all

takkaire
truck loads of loves && huggiess

`m$.ki[R]thi

` treasure all the time eu have

2008-08-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

a new blog skin :D
thanks to my dumb bell sis :P
P.S: i love u though u irritate me

my main reason y m bloggin now its cos an tv show as inspired me to do so

was taking a break frm studyin for my examz
i switched on the tv && as usual fiddling with the remote control
as i was bored
as i was browsing through the channels,i stopped at channel 5 to watch the
"The Oprah Winfrey show"

i must say its the 1st time i was watching the show

i was realli inspired by today's show

Oprah Winfrey was interviewing Mitch Albom the author of

For One More Day is the story of a mother and a son, and a relationship that covers a lifetime and beyond. It explores the question: What would you do if you could spend one more day with a lost loved one?

As a child, Charley “Chick” Benetto was told by his father, “You can be a mama’s boy or a daddy’s boy, but you can’t be both.” So he chooses his father, only to see the man disappear when Charley is on the verge of adolescence.

Decades later, Charley is a broken man. His life has been crumbled by alcohol and regret. He loses his job. He leaves his family. He hits bottom after discovering his only daughter has shut him out of her wedding. And he decides to take his own life.

He makes a midnight ride to his small hometown, with plans to do himself in. But upon failing even to do that, he staggers back to his old house, only to make an astonishing discovery. His mother -- who died eight years earlier -- is still living there, and welcomes him home as if nothing ever happened.

btw that is the book review

it then struck me,if i had 1 more day to live with the 1 i lost who wld it be && how wld i spend the time with them

"Everyone has experienced the pain of losing someone they love. What if you could spend one more day with them?"

if i had that magic wand to wave && say i wld spend the time with my mother

the gorgeous queen who gave birth to me && brought me into tis world

if i had tat wish granted means,i think not 1 day wld be enough for me say, " thanks", "sorry" && " i love u" cos tis wrds does not cum out of the mouth tat easily as they are very difficult to say

i really wish to read tat book, so soon i gonna buy it i guess :P

in tat show,many said they wanna meet their fore-grandparents, uncle, husbands but no1 said mother

another person who realli inspired me was

Mr & Mrs Richard Carlson

Carlson passed away last yr due to his health
but he knew he was gonna leave soon

but before tat he wrote tis book i mus say which is for his wife

as Kristine was reading a particular love letter by his husband
she started crying
as those words are realli said by the bottom of the heart

An Hour to Live, and Hour to Love is Richard's letter to his beloved Kris, and her heartfelt response. Both an intimate look inside a special relationship and a gift to the many people whose lives were changed by Richard's work, it will have readers everywhere wondering how they themselves would answer these questions.

tis was the qns tat was asked

"if you had one hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would it be to? What would you say? And why are you waiting?"

both the books are different but they hav sumthing in common

i wish those who are reading my blog
would ponder on that qns tat was asked
&& ask urself

so the moral of the story is
we dun hav much time on earth, but whateva time we hav now
treasure ur loved ones && ppl ard u
once they are gone, there is nth else u can do but onli hav the feeling of regret
which wld haunt u till the end
being haunted,the feeling is realli terrible

alrites i had my say alr
got to get bk to my studies now
if not the king of my hse wld nag at me again

tmr is my PRELIMS!!!!
arghhhhhh
&& the 1st paper is a content subject
Social Studies && Eng

i hav a long day tmr ):

takkaire all, loves many :D

`m$.KiRtHi

it all started cos of u

2008-08-19T11:55:00.000-07:00

i realize that i haven been blogging
as many knws abt my laziness :P
but of course that is not an excuse for me not to blog

being sick for the past 5 days seriously drives me crazy
esp missing sch for 2 days
haiz!!! its saddening

it all started cos of my stupid flu,on friday nite
i knew it wld not stop && it led to mild fever
then as hrs past by my temp increasing
it wen up to 38.9 ):

despite of my fever i still wen for bhajan on sat
at kumari anni's hse
i tried singing ended up straining my voice
guess wad??
through out the whole bhajan i was blowing my nose
&& ended up finishing the whole tissue box

tats hw bad is my flu ppl
i cld not slp,cld not eat felt more like bed ridden

mon wen to poly clinic
i saw sanjeev && his mom
but i was not myself
was staring up at the space
lost in my own world perhaps

but i saw hw he cuddled his mom
&& wished my mum was there too )):
missed those times of cuddling
its the most soothing thing ani1 cld ever get
but mine is gone
so i cld onli think abt it onli but can't wish for it ani more

okay back to reality
as i was saying i wen to doc rite
he gave me a whole list of medication
i was like????

he asked me if i needed another day of mc
but i said i do not need it
cos i thought my fever wld drop
&& he said if my fever does not go dwn to normal temp
mus go bk on wed to do blood test
:(

i m kinda of gal who can't swallow tablets
i wld crush them, if not dissolve them in water
or if not best of all dun take them

i tried various ways in taking those BIG BIG tablets
but ended up throwing them away to the bin
tats hw rich i m!!!

on tat nite,my fever suddenly shoot up
&& guess wad another day to visit the doc
wit my dad too
so today,i woke up && got ready to visit the clinic again
but before tat had breakfast
then to the clinic

the doc changed my flu medicines
he asked me wad was my discomfort
then i tld him my FLU
he smiled && changed it for me

tmr i wld be returning to sch again
its like i can't wait for
my exams are like next wk
&& m falling sick tat fast
haven't been studying for the past few days due to my neva ending sickness

Happy 17th Birthday to my babes
Yamunarani d/o Selvaraj && Fazila Farvin
to my both friends
happy b'day galz
may god bless u ppl
&& may all ur wishes cum true on tis special day
I love u darling
11yrs && more to our neva ending friendship on the up cuming yrs

hav to take my medicines && rest now
takkaire && loves all

`m$.KiRtHi

proud of myself :D

2008-08-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

time check: 5:O6pm 140808 :D

wen eva i blog,my entry wld onli be posted 1 day or may be latest by 2days
haizzz
but its okae
better then nothing rite

the main purpose of my blog was to announce tat i hav
PASSED my TAMIL Os ((:
B3
i got my result 120808 :)

i did my best
as sum of them knws my tamil standard
its worse
but i cld hav gotten an A2 if i did my orals well
but i flunk it

i was mind blocked
i cried aft the orals
but it was no use
ended up getting
MERIT :(
but m not re-taking it

now m down with 4 more subjects to go for my Os
i still can't believe tat i passed my tamil
it was actualli a big hurdle for me to cross

but I MADE IT ((:
double the happiness

the saddest part is tat
to be noted::
Prelims: 12 days (1 wk & 5 days)
Olevel: 65 days ( 9 wks & 2 days)

time is seriously running fast
come on man!!
its like the fast paced world
wad u expect

m realli doing my best
may be i sld say m slacking
but i hav no more time to slack alr

my tamil Os result is an eye opener for me
&& its also an lesson to me
hard work do pays off
i meant
the amt of hard work u put in,is wad u wld get at the end of the day

okay so i jus came to say tat
got to run
getting bored in here

takkaire && loves all
god bless && hav a great wk + weekend ahead

`m$.KiRtHi

chubbalious

2008-08-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Now i must say welcum to the mth AUGUST!!!
i know its been 11days since july has gone && it has welcum-ed august
haiz days are going too fast for me to handle

there are many things tat m still waiting for the last min
its a bad habit
but i can't help it,i can't kick out frm it

hmm my tamil results is gonna be out tmr i guess
but m scared
all i want is at least an A2
plsh god
i did my level best
&& all the best to those who are getting bk their results too
GOD BLESS!!!

many hav asked me what i planning to do aft my Os
as i hav said before
i wanna go to poly to take nursing
tats has been my dream && so is my mum's dreams as well
she always wanted to see me in tat uniform

i feel very restlest nowadays
can say m tooo tired
haven been having ani dreams
but m having tis weird person who does the waking me up thingy
till now i dun knw who is it
m not telling a joke
but tis is happening for real

tis person wakes me up before my dad does
keeps me company
but till now it has not done ani harm to me
in a way tats good
but if tat person is a evil thingy i hope it leaves me soon
if it is an angel plsh stay wit me && grant my wishes to cum true

nowadays m tooo into puzzles
where eva i go,i bring it along
jus like my mum
it was her favo
trust me
her bag was once full of those books
maybe 2-3 bks
she can do it faster then me

but m soo addicated to it
may be it runs in my blood
hahaha

aniway got to run now
i wanna scream
LOUD!!!!

ohh forgot to tell the most important thingy
I HAV PUT ON WEIGHT ON MY CHEEKS
m like too chubby alr
haizz
many say baby face
aiyoo
it reminds me of my baby pics
i used to be a FAT WHITE CHINESE pig
trust me && tooo chubby
can like pinch like tat
i was looking through my pics
OMG!!!
tis is SADDDD
:(

now i hav to go
gonna scream loud

`|i| m$.KiRtHi

simply me

2008-07-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

Hello, I know it has been ages since I last blogged
Due to my laziness && insufficient time to do so
Recently I have been busy with many stuffs
Sch works,studies,&& more to examinations la
But I sld say even though I do hav free time in between
I dun’t use them properly
All I do is to just wander abt my hse
Thinking wad to do next

Another 30days to my premlis, & 81days to my Os
I knw the time is running quite fast
M trying to catch up with many stuffs too
I have been slacking in my works
Yes I sld agree to it
But I dun knw y m I doing tis
Coming back to reality I do knw tat I dun have much time
In fact I jus realized it
But I do knw wad to do && wen to do wad

Having studied in SAINTS for 11yrs
I hav seen my sch grow && glow for many different issues
I have to say that I m proud to be in tat sch
But sad to say tis is my last yr in saints indeed I sld say SMSS
The sch of my life
The sch that changed me
The sch that have motivated me
&& I can jus continue talking abt my sch
even though there have been times where I have disliked my sch
but I realized tat everything happens for a simple reason

not onli sch life but basically life itself has simple reasons for a change to occur
in my life I hav to thank many ppl who hav been there through out for me
I might not hav thanked ya personally but I do really thank u ppl deep in my heart
Friends,sisters,brothers,teachers who have been motivating me till now
Perhaps till the end I sld say
Recently jus few days ago I was in too scared & stressed tat I wanted to give up
Then my buddy said,it’s the last lap,get it over n done with it
It is true
I have come all the way long just to give up now??
I dun think it’s a good idea
I need to prove to sum ppl I wld make up to sum1 in life 1 fine day
&& also to make my mummy’s dream cum true
to become a nurse

that’s abt my sch life I sld say

now welcome to the world of my life

I have 2 questions here

Define beauty:: Beauty is a characteristic of a person, place, object or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning or satisfaction.

Define friendship:: Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis.

Tis meanings have been taken frm the dictionary itself

Sum ppl do confuse themselves with the word friendship & beauty
I myself dun knw y too
But I didn’t knw even in friendships ppl do go for looks
Maybe I sld say sum ppl
Esp guys
To ani readers who are guys,no offence
But m speaking the truth
In my case,my life
I have seen many guys like tat
I m not condemning abt myself
But m jus so irritated by tis kind of lifeless souls in life
I dun’t knw to them wad is the definitions for both the words for them
May be in their dictionary it might have said

BEAUTY = FRIENDSHIP

But ppl ur wrong
Next time if onli u think u knw the meaning for both the important words then
Come && make friends
I m not saying tis onli for myself
Its jus open to anyone I mean everyone
U do have a part to say too

The current feeling

I just too angry, but happy that I have lost weight
Improved in my maths, physics, chemistry
But there is still room for improvements I sld say
I have to go back to my strict diet again
I wanna lose more weight
Go back to my old weight, I dun mind even becoming much thinner then before
I have been laughing all day long
I dun knw y too
But perhaps tis is 1 of those tat u can see the smile on my face

Oops I almost forgot to tell abt my injury
Last Friday was my sch’s speech day
Sch finished at ard 10.30am
So till 3.15pm I had time
My friends & I planned to go to have our lunch as sch wld end late
So as usual the gang except sum ppl who didn’t cum
Me, jojo, gowri, fazila, manju, mathevi went to blastier road to eat loy kee chicken rice
But ended up fazi had to buy kfc as it was not halal
So since there were six of us, we split into pairs
Me & gowri went to search for the places to eat && relax
While matz,manju went to buy chicken rice
Fazi,jojo wen to buy kfc
Finally we found the place
The atmosphere was nice

During our lunch
Mathevi got scared
I think she has tis phobia over cats
Even I do have but not phobia but m jus scared of them
So she stopped eating
Since I have alr ate finished my food
I fed tat mdm
She is 1 gal who always like to waste food
But tis time round I didn’t let it happen
I do have tis habit,if I feed sumbody, I would feed them till the food has finished
Poor matz she had to finish up the food
=P

later then we saw a playground
deprived childhood u see
so all of us wen to play
as I hav a phobia of heights,I was so scared to climb up
I kept falling down frm the steps
U can call me ms clumsy
i have nothing beta to do tat I climbed up the monkey bar
I sat on top of the bar
&& as usual we started snapping pics
matz,gowri were sitting infront of me
manju was infront of them
rani && fazi were down snapping pics of themselves
as I was sitting up there, my heart was beating as I got scared tat I might lose my balance
as much thought I lost my balance
my head hit the front of the bar,then lost the balance
my teeth got stucked onto gowri’s jacket && I pulled it dwn
bang on the bar && dropped through the hole to the ground

guess wad happened next??
I started bleeding like no ones business
My mouth was full of blood
As my gums were bleeding
My lower lip got torn
As u can imagine the pain & the situation
But I still got the time to pose
Haha

Tats abt the incident tat happened

Now have to do sum hse chores && do my sch wrk
Wld update again once if I get my time again

P.S: sorry for my spellings && oso if ani1 got offended abt my entry

Takkaire all
Smoochiess
Adios

`the princess

` i hate u soo much

2008-07-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

i know its been a long time since i last blogged
but nowadays i seriously hav no time to blog
another thing is tat m soo mood out nowadays

m jus sooo fcuking angry wit myself
haizz
sch is getting tough each day
&& my Os is getting near
sch ends late like every single day

hav been lagging but m trying my level best
to catch up
even though m slow but i wld manage to catch up sooner

lately my palace i mean which was like once
now is more to the silent death place
each day my hse,is getting soooooo quiet
i jus dun like it
but hav to get to used to it

now my HERO daddy dun wanna tok to me
its been 2 days
but still neva bother toking to me
but instead shouting at me

wad the hell i did??
he jus seems not to understand anithing
but he claims to understand me very well
i jus can't tell it out
my pain is jus too much

i knw every1 has pain too
but i feel my pain is greater
fcuked up i feel

now m at hme wit him
but i feel tat he is not at hme
more to like m alone
being alone m sooo used to it
trust me

even if i cry is oso no use
even if i tell it out oso no use
even if i m not bothered..the more i feel m bothered
soo many evens in my life
i jus wish my life to end tis single moment

i feel m a person who is in ICU
ani moment the machines wld stop && there i wld die
i prefer tat
aniway i dun see much difference

like i said..its my life
jus let me run it by myself
i dun need ani1
not even a soul to be beside me
&& i hate every1
but maybe i dun mean it
but i do

` friendship or love??

2008-06-19T15:29:00.000-07:00

many things hav been happening
i dun knw which 1 to tell
but i shall write abt tis particular incident tat happened to me ytd nite

i had tis friend
i dun wanna mention names
let it be friend A

frend A has a gf
i dun knw abt their relationship well
but as far as i knw,i guess its going fine

friend A was my close friend
&& i treated him in tat way
so whether m happy or sad i wld msg him

but aft sooo long
i mean aft many days
it striked me ytd nite
gave me a shock of my life
&& hurt me

he msg me saying,

"I m realli sry to say tis
but...my gf does not knw
m msging u.According to her
ur my sch mate but she
read the msgs u send me && she is realli
upset.She is a possesive person...
i think we sld stop toking to each other
&& i m realli sry..we can still chat && all but
i dun think we sld msg each other animore && i m sry"

the msg has a bit of change here n there
to avoid certain things

wen i read the msg last nite
i was totally shocked
cos i didn't expect things to be like tis
&& sum more the person whom u treat like a best friend
treat u in return like tat

i saw Friend A online today
the conversation

me: hi my online frien
friend A: yes
friend A: "online frend"
me: lolx
me: no prob in chatting rite??
A: no prob la
me: okae
A; pls i din wana do wat i did but i had to la.....pls understand
me: lolx
me: jus imagine hw i felt
me: i understand
me: m not so bad btw
A: im really sorri i noe and even my gf noes u din flirt or tok dirty or what its jus gals r possesive

&& the conversation jus continued

i bascially dun understand
friendship && love
i wonder who found them both

i dun wanna be the devil of their relationship
so i deleted his number
&& neva msg him
he is jus my online friend nw

even if i m gonna see him outside
i dun think i wld tok
cos he wld be invisible to me

then i msg my buddy
asking him,if such thing wld eva happen to him
wld he msg me like tat
all my buddy said was

"Then i wld ask her to break off...
i wld not wan sum1 like tat as my gf
U like a sis to me so if she can't accept tat
then i will break off with her"

&& he oso promised
tat he wld neva leave me alone

m not tryin to compare
but even though both of my friends
look who understood me beta??
haiz

`lil shorty

` friendship or love??

2008-06-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

` A day out with daddy

2008-06-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

yesterday night i really could not sleep
due to the pain i was having
i think m having appendix pain
&& it suck to have that pain
i nearly cried cause it was too painful

i was msging some of my friends
they were trying to divert my mind
but sad to say i was still in pain
i wanted to go doctor but i guess its
a waste of money

i don't want to trouble my dad about it too
he already sick && i don't want to add on to it
so i can just bear with the pain
i hope it would go off soon

every hour i kept waking up
to the extend i wanted to wake up && take shower
that mid morning
i wanted to shout & scream but my dad & sis
were sleeping
they already sick so didn't want to disturb their sleep

finally i woke up at 7am
just went to bathe
my dad was like shocked cause i woke up too early
&& it is the holidays
he thought i was having fever
but i was not instead flu && sore throat

i was neither hungry or sleepy
but just in pain
my dad kept asking me to take my breakfast
i kept saying,i wasn't hungry
in fact i was not

later part of the day my dad wanted to go clinic
so i said i wanted to follow him
since i had nothing to do && was afraid he might fall down or something

polyclinics the queue don't have to tell
haiz,its just too long
government clinic,& its cheaper so most of us would end up going there
i too waited for my dad
so was killing time by listening to music

aft few hours
went to 900+,coffee shop
&& there my daddy made me eat
usually when i eat,i don't drink water
my dad would scold me
due to that i ordered hot milo
at least i pleased my dad :))
i still LOVE him

after having my yummy breakfast
my dad wanted to have his hair cut
so followed him
while he was having his hair cut
i was snapping away with his spectacles

i was like the nerdy girl
i looked like one for the moment
while i was snapping
many walked pass me && just smile at me
they must have thought i m a vain person

after having his new hair cut
went to buy bread
then took bus home
the most funniest part was
i did not bring my wallet or my ezlink card
so the day was spend by my daddy's $$$

came back home
started having the pain again
i tell you its a torture
but i can't predict wad time it would come && go

was doing my maths TYS && graphs
i thought got tuition but my brother was not free today
so NO TUITION =) & =(

the pain was too much
so i just went to sleep
with my head phone plugged to my ears
i was sleeping

but i could not sleep peacefully also
one cause of the pain another i don't know why
but could not sleep
eventually slept

woke up used comp
then went to make tea for daddy
took my shower
now fresh && hungry =P

have to wait for my sis to come back home
till then i think i would do my english TYS homeworks
going to take lunch cum dinner now

`l!l $hoR+y

Many days have passed by but the scar u left behind is still there

2008-06-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

i knw it has been 8mths && 11days
but the pain is still there
i can onli cry out my pain but its not bearable
wen i m always left alone,i tend to think many things
which i ain't supposed to be thinking
but i jus can't help it
cos tis is my life

i too once had a wonderful childhood
jus like others did
i even was living the life of a princess
as i hav said before
but those did not last foreva in my case
it started drifting away frm me each time

i seriously got no words to explain
every1 think m talking the same old things
but i jus can't explain it
onli thing tat knws abt wad is happening is
my blog,my dairy,the 4 walls,my fone
guess wad??
tis is all non living things

being born as the youngest child
i m pampered,u dun hav to tell me
i do knw it
cos i m my daddy's lil princess
&& mummy's lil sunshine

till now i can even hear ppl
toking abt me
look,u dun hav to judge me as u dun live my life
i m jus filled with anger,tears,sorrows && many more u can name

haizz i wonder wen
tis would all end
wen it ends
i guess i won't be hear to see it
cos i wld be having a peaceful slp
a slp tat no 1 can disturb

gonna catch sum dramas nw
catch up later

P.S: i still can feel it ='(

`l!l $h0r+y

will be back

2008-06-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

hey there bloggyyy
today is tuesday
time is running slow again

aniwayz later got haranesh b'day party
mus go there

my blog is under construction
will be done by tonite
&& i wld be back again

tootixxx

`|!| $hor+y

unfaithful gal

2008-06-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

was doing my maths...
its a BIG obstacle for me to cross
i realli suck at maths
but i hav neva give up
i hav many many qns circled up for laterr tuition time

sumtimes i hav to force myself to study
if not i wld neva study && end up being lazy
nw since i m onli left with 5 sujects i hav to bug up
i need to use tis holidays to change myself && focus on my wrk

m getting too lazyy && lazyy && lazyy
haizzz
think & think & think i wad i do
but sumtimes i dun even knw wad i m thinking

i hav been listening to the unfaithful by rihanna
i think tat song is realli nice && i m in love with tat song
its oso out in the tamil version but i still think tat the english version
is still the best
aniway i love both the versions

Story of my life,
Searching for the right,
But it keeps avoiding me.
Sorrow in my soul,
Because it seems like one,
Really loves my company.

He's more than a man,
And this is more than love,
The reason that the sky is blue.
The clouds are rolling in,
Because I'm gone again,
And to him I just can't be true.

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful,
And it kills him inside,
To know that I am happy,
With some other guy.
I can see him dying.

I don't wanna do this anymore,
I don't wanna be the reason why,
Everytime I walk out the door,
I see him die a little more inside.
I don't wanna hurt him anymore,
I don't wanna take away his life.
I don't wanna be...
A murderer.

I feel it in the air,
As I'm doing my hair,
Preparing for another date.
A kiss upon my cheek,
As he reluctantly,
Asks if I'm gonna be out late.
I say I won't be long,
Just hanging with the girls,
A lie I didn't have to tell.
Because we both know,

Where I'm about to go,
And we know it very well.

'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful,
And it kills him inside,
To know that I am happy,
With some other guy.
I can see him dying.

I don't wanna do this anymore,
I don't wanna be the reason why,
Everytime I walk out the door,
I see him die a little more inside.
I don't wanna hurt him anymore,
I don't wanna take away his life.
I don't wanna be...
A murderer.

Our love,
His trust,
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head,
Get it over with.
I don't wanna do this,
Anymore, ooooooh, anymore.

I don't wanna do this anymore,
I don't wanna be the reason why,
And everytime I walk out the door,
I see him die a little more inside.
I don't wanna hurt him anymore,
I don't wanna take away his life.
I don't wanna be...
A murderer.

Oooh.
A murderer.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

hahah i got sooo muchh time to take down the lyrics
time is realli slow
but i knw its trying to tell me sumthing but i dun knw wad
aniwayss
hav to go && rest nw && continue doing my straw hearts

` |i| $shorty

cum & lead my sinful life

2008-06-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

i jus feel the whole world is crashing dwn on me
&& i jus hate tis feeling
nwadays m not myself
i cry to myself sum ppl got probz
its my tears && my life
cum && live my sinful life && feel the pain

m not blaming ani1 here
but it hurts me deep down
i wish many things came true
m jus waiting for the day man
i had a tok wit my mummy && she promised me sum things
plsh mummy make them true alrites

i think in my 17yrs of life
i hav made many sins
&& sum sins are
1) is to be born on tis earth
2) to be smiling
3) to be happy
4) hot-temper
5) arrgoant
6) stubborn
7)over friendly
8) too innocent-in believing every single thing
&& i can go on like tat

i guess i cried too much tat nw i dun hav tears sial
even my tears dun wanna me
1 thing tat is free in tis world is called ADVISE
frm the young to the old every1 can give it
but its up to a person whether sld she or sldn't she take it

i realli wished my mum was here
seriously
she is my best friend,mentor,mum,adviser && many more
till nw i dun understand y sld she leave me all alone
y didn't she take me along wit her??
she knws i can't leave witout her jus for a moment but
nw its 8mths tat i neva see her face,listened to her voice
watch her getting dressed up
MUMMY Y DID U GO????

i hate tis world
arghhhhh
i jus soooo angry wit myself
jus feel like slaughtering myself to death
m sooo sickk
sick of all tis nonsense
serious

in the end u oso had a thought i might be tat kind of gal
hw cld u???
when i heard tat u felt like tat
i lost myself
dun knw wad to do

is tis was is called life???
m realli down tis time ard

jus wanna say sorry to sum ppl
whom i show my anger ani hw
is not tat m angry wit ya or sumthing
m jus sooo irritated && angry each day tats all
so sry to u ppl

&& i wish i was gone tis minute

m still a gal in the end & i do hav a heart

2008-05-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

i dun knw wad's rong but jus feeling sumthing is rong sum where
my heart feels realli tooo heavy && i dun knw y
is it cos m sad??
or want to cry??
or can't take the pain??
i myself dun knw

my heart && mind is not saying the same things
sld i follow my mind or my heart??
of course my heart but sumtimes my heart oso learnt to tell lies to me

i feel like crying out
but there is no 1 there for me to lend me their shoulders
i feel like hugging sum1 but i cld onli see their backs cos they all moved away frm me

m not being emo
but jus telling out hw m i feeling
y dun't ani1 understand me??
put theirself 1 min in my shoes && feel it
then tell me hw they felt.

days of happiness hav gone frm my life
but many said i can't && must not remain like tat if not its too hard
but i jus can't make myself cum out of it
it hurts deep dwn my heart

my tears are abt to roll dwn my cheeks but m holding on to them
nowadays i seem to be a mad gal
toking to myself while walking dwn the road
i do tok to my mum oso,cos i knw she is there wit me && watching very single thing
so i tok to her but onli i can feel her presense but can't see her
thus i look like a mental

m i suffering frm aniting??
i dun knw
but i lack of sumthin

many says different things but to me,i dun knw
i seem to dun knw aniting
cos i look soo blur tat i dun knw wad is happening

things aren't supposed to be forgotten
but hav to be forced to forget them
as i m tying this my heart gets heavier each time,sec,min

i still hav to live
to show many ppl tat i can make it in life
they r not living my life so they dun knw me

plsh dun judge the person on the outer looks
but look deep inside them u wld see the real them
a small living thing looking for help but seems to be lost

i wld not say tat i did not hav a wonderful childhood
i did,&& i had the most wonderful childhood tat ani1 cld hav
was realli the princess of my parents
got all the stuffs i wanted

but as yrs passed by
ppl tend to change even me i changed
i did not understand their love
sum said i stole their love
took away their happiness
but they forgot it wld hurt me && it does hurt me

let me tell u,i did not ask god to make me born on tis earth
neither did i was born to take away ur happiness
i was oso borned to tis earth for a simple reason for wad ur born for oso

m not blaming ani1 here
jus dun think or blame yaself
but m jus typing wad i m feeling tats it

now aft muchh thinking i hav decided to drop my art
i can't take it
but its for my own gd
i wld sum hw try my level best to pass it && make it through

jus leave me alone ppl
dun cum bk to me as though u cared
its jus fake,i knw tat
jus move away frm me
since u left me,u jus go
i dun wanna u bk

below there is sumthing i wrote on 07/05/08 abt MOTHER
hope its sumthing meaninful for those who are reading
so here it goes...

Mother's love is the best love in the whole universe.
Nothing can beat or withstand it
But once the mother's love departs,there is nothing else
that can replace it.
It can only be felt through love,care,concern,warmness
No matter how much a person try to replace it
he fails && he would continue to fail
Once the mother's love is gone,
No matter how hard you might try it will never come back
&& if it comes back it would not be the same
A person who has lost his mother's love is equal to a person
who is living but without his heart beating
In the end it proves that neither an human being nor an animal
can live without a mother's love...

jus sumthing tat was frm my bottom of my heart
maybe i wld say tat i wrote tat with my mum
in my mind

days passes by
&& each day brings new memories,
new ppl && everything new
it jus depends on hw u want to live tat each day
our life is at our hands
before its tooo late,to realise tat u hav not lived enough
jus live each day as u hav neva lived before
enjoy every sec of life
its worth living for

`|i| $horty

stress

2008-05-26T14:45:00.000-07:00

i think i can say its been ages since i last blog
not say ages but i think nearly a mth
its not tat i dun wanna blog or sumthing
i seriously had no time
almost every single day i cum bk home ard 7pm+
by the time i do my own stuffs,it wld be 8+
then HOMEWORK && its loads loads loads of them
hav to complete them for next day sch

&& i was having MT intensive for 2wks
cos my MT paper was today
so had to prepare for tat
i did my level best to stay awake && complete all the work tat was given

it went well,i think the 2 wks of MT class went well
i took my O's paper today
&& i cld write beta && my thoughts were flowing well
&& before the time cld end i finished my papers

actualli had many many things to blog abt
but m realli SUPER DEAD tired
&& i wrote all my daily happenings in my dairy

but no worries i wld try my level best to update my blog like wen i can
&& those who read my blog or who is reading my blog
sry for the SUPER short entry

`|i| m$.sHoRtY

mad gal

2008-05-06T19:37:00.000-07:00

blog blog blog blog
nwadays tats the onli thing tat relive me frm stress && stuffs
hav been wanting to blog since last wk
but my laziness jus stops me && its getting worse
cos m nt like doing anithing alr
seriously m like moving away frm many things
&& its soo irritating

i knw tat life has its up && dwn
m like sailing in between them nw
sum times its realli tooo high up tat i can't stand it
there are oso times where i m tooo dwn tat i can't reach up at all
but nw m in the middle
not moving ani where
i feel soo glued to where i m standing
dun knw why oso

ytd i was jus standind at my room window n looking out at the sky
&& jus thinking through all those memories
i had wit my mum
both gd && bad times
tears starts to roll dwn as i think abt those time

wen my mum goes to work
toks to unknown ppl
then the day came
i saw her in the being carried away in the ambulance
then next in the hospital lying motionlessly
funeral 1000s crying for her
but sum realli fake
i can see tat oso

i realli regret y didn't i treasure those times wit her
always getting angry wit her over small small issuses
like tv,food,hse even dogs
now left with nothing but jus memories which are glued to my heart && mind

as sum ppl knw i feel more like an human robot
wake up daily,bathe,eat,go sch,study,cum bk home,watch tv,bathe,eat,study & slp
normal life without aniting
words seriously can't explain my feelings
but it can onli be felt
hatred,life pain,sorrows
i have seen through all

i used to be the most happiest gal but nw the other way ard
faking to ppl tat m totally fine && perfect
but the pain is still there
the happiness gone
sorrows live on

m toking like an old lady
but even though m jus 17 i think i hav seen my half life dwn the drain alr
my O's are getting near
&& me still unprepared
as i tld tat m still stuck
seriously stucked

i hav to wake up or it wld be too late
sum hw i hav to try to prove to sum ppl tat i can make it
i need to achieve my dreams
my ambition
&& lead my life once again
make my parents proud of me
i wanna make them say,"OH KIRTHI,TAT GAL *******'S DAUGHTER AH..WOW SHE IS DAMN GOOD NW DOING WELL IN LIFE"
&& not "KIRTHI TAT GAL??? *****'S DAUGHTER SHE AH WASTE HER LIFE && NOW GOOD FOR NTH SHAME HER PARENTS"

sum hw i wld wake up again
&& life still moves on

"Loneliness is part of human.
It reminds us tat we are not complete in ourselves.
We born alone,we live alone,we die alone.
Onli through love && friendships can we create the illusion for the moment
that we are not alone.
The most terrible poverty is loneliness && the feeling of being unloved"

wad is gd is ain't gd & wad is ain'd gd is gd

2008-04-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

last week friday
had ENGLISH && SOCIAL STUDIES exams
both the papers wen well for me
i cld ans all the qns
but was short for time

sad news was my BF JOHNNY didn't return home
he wen missing
i hate tis u knw
ppl those who r close to me leave me
dun knw why oso

sat was okae la
wen to northpt wit sis
&& met bro there
wen for can say early dinner
had soo muchh of fun
wen to see lil princess hiroshini aft tat
her face can brighten up ani's day man
she is an angel cum lil princess

sunday was supposed to go cwp
but it got cancelled
supposed to go watch movie
it got cancelled
was sooo irritated
wen to see hiroshini wit sis
ten wen pasam malam wit sis,hiroshini,anni,aunty
i dun knw hw times i go there alr
hahaha but still not bored over it

monday had TAMIL exam
i tell u the paper sucked
i didn't knw wad to write
&& u knw hw my mistakes all
haizz
but the paper 2 was okae
i checked & checked & checked

JOHHNY CAME BACK HME
my love of my life is back
my tears of joy
my happiness
my sunshine
my best friend
my all in one is finally back to me once again

tuesday which is today
neva go sch today
cos i got no paper today
but tmr got CHEMISTRY mus study later
nw sooooooo bored
&& tired too
gonna meet the princess again
yippy doooo =P

:||Ms.KiRtHi||:

life goes on ((:

2008-04-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

today the day was fun &&& soooo tiring
&& recently the weather like sooo humid
m sooo SAD cos i can't listen to songs currently to sch animore
cos my fone sumthing rong
cos tooo much of songs && i dun wish to spoil my fone further more la
&& its my N level gift so m NOT gonna spoil it more
but for the past few days i wen to sch witout music oso i enjoy my journey to && fro
i admire the nature,ppl singing,talking,fighting,laughter
its all nice to watch && time fly fast

sch was fun
had S.S in the morning
he wen through the skills for the cuming MYEs
i find it useful && i can understand beta nw on hw to ans qns
hope i can rmb them on FRIDAY ((:

recess as usual the same EARLY but okay la

maths mrs low was on course today
yahoooooooooo
aniway it was onli for 1/2hr soo NO BIG DEAL

P.E was next i was changing for it
i was sooo scared cos i thought i was gonna fail my NAPFA
but to my surprise i improved on it
Sit-ups:: 42
Inclined pull ups::22
Sit & Reach:: 39
Shuttle run:: 12.2
Standing Broad Jump :: DUN ASKKKK I FAILEDD

but m not gonna give up
m gonna train && pass it all

nw my body && legs hurts

CHEM it was REVISION time ((:
was taking dwn notes for the ORGANIC CHEM
i find the chap quite hard but its understandable
i hope to knw it well before my Os at least

mathevi was writing dwn like poems abt me,rani,carbon,nitrous
tmr i wld upload them alrites
its DAMN funny
my panni kutti friend
i lau herr =P

english i started switching off
cos i was sooo tired && it was soooo humid
&& my water bottle had no no water oso
DAMN IT
i was trying my level best to open my eyes && ears to listen to her
finally the lesson was OVER

had to go to the lab for phy practical
those who didn't bring their long rulers && calculators were not supposed to enter into the lab
LUCKY ME
i brought both 2 to sch
actualli i bring them to sch everyday
mr ng so checking those wen the enter the lab
wen i entered he checked whether do i hav no not
&& he gave me the practical wrksheet

he asked to read 1st while waiting for the others to cum
the practical for today was quite hard but i cld do finish on time
my graph was SOOO STR
hahah

sch finished
yahooooo
i wen bk to class packed my stuff && PUSHED IN my chair
&& left for hme

dad called me && said to meet at khatib
i said alrite
&& i met him there
top up my ez-link
&& was toking to my dad
while walking

we saw tis whole bunch of indian ite fellows
soo like gonna fight like tat
suddenly my dad was toking to me abt it
he realli had a BAD IMPRESSION on those ppl
even i myself had BAD IMPRESSIONS on them
&& sad to say 1 of them was my childhood kindergarden frend

then walked to NTUC
bought chocolates both for my daddy && myself
actualli he asked me whether i wanted my lunch && i said i was not hungry

but nww m hungry soo gonna find sumthing to eat
aft tat gonna study soonn
m getting scared as days cum by closer
arghhhh
but wadeva it is M NOT GONNA GIVE UP

::||daddy's lil princess||::

&& she cries

2008-04-19T16:44:00.000-07:00

everthing wen well today
m getting scared as days gets closer to Os
hav to cross over the MYE && PREMS && finally Os
had principal's tok today
i thought its gonna be for 1 hr
but in the end it was onli for 30-40mins
lolx
aft tat was meet the parent's section
as my dad neva cum so i need not attend it

i dun knw y
those ppl whom i tok to today asked where is my mum && whether she was cuming
i knw tat they accidently asked me
but i felt i was missing sumthing

aniway as time pass by i will get over it
i hope (:

my tamil class was at 10am so me,adela,shab,bhavani,rani,fazi
wen to the canteen && we were toking
hahah funny bunch of ppl i knw
&& we jus realised tat all of us r phy students
COOL rite?? =P

ten it was 10am
actualli 10+ so we made our way to the tamil class
but all the ways to the class was locked
so had no choice but to take the LIFT ((:

tamil was sooo DAMN FUN
even though it was a small grp
i think we learnt alot

the class was untill 1:15pm
supposed to go bk hme but me && bunny were realli hungry
so me,shab,bunny made our way to MAC
its realli fun to go out wit shab
cos u can laugh all the way

ard 2:15 we left && me,bhavani walked to the bus stop
shab had to go to the opp bus stop
both me && bunny missed our buses
had to wait for the next bus

then bunni left && i was waiting for my bus
finalli 855 came
it was crowded
&& there i started to get irritated && angry
there was tis grp of young guys on the bus
wen i boarded the bus
tis paticular guy jus stared at me as though i owe him $1000 bugs like tat
bledy hell la
i jus looked at me && turned away
but he was practically jus lookeing me
&& his friend woke up
both of the started looking at me

wen the bus came to khatib there was tis lady who boarded the bus
she was standing at the door tis guys jus asked her to move bk
&& they jus continued looking at me
like hell la
sooo damn irritated wit tis typical lifeless asses
unfortunately they got dwn at the same stop as me
THE INTERCHANGE
wen i got dwn he was rite beside me
&& was checking me out
looking where i was walking to
i was not bothered
i realli hav a bledy bad impression him
he jus created for himself
no matter hw gd he is i dun give a hell

took another bus && headed hme
&& nw they putting my favo movie
MUTHU
it brings bk many many old memories to me
i love the movie
so m gonna continue watching the MOVIE

small gal jus lost in her world named LONELINESS
it jus kills her apart
the pain in her is unexplained && it hurts her small heart
i wish its time for her to leave the place && move on wit
the life tat GOD made for her

fix my heart,its broken

2008-04-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

Life is worth living because the world is worth understanding.

tis sentence makes me think many tings
hmmm
today is tuesday
&& i hate tuesday's time table
our recess is like aft 6 periods
like DAMN

had phy early morning
he gave bk the test paper
i failed but he tld me tat he cld see sum improvement on my wrk
i did study a bit of it for the understanding
geog was next
did not do the test paper she gave us
close escape frm her
lolx
she wen through the wrkbk
as usual me && matz were toking
&& at the same time listening
we r good at multi tasking man ;)

CHEM i love it
though it was for half an hr
she was going through the new chapter
i LOVE to balance the equations
it is hard at times
but i got used to it
there came mrs low to class for maths
had to hand in the maths file today
i took bk my file && filed in my test papers && other stuffs
so through out the lesson half the time was gone in the file
HAPPY =P
she gave us bk our MRT paper
i failed due to not bringing my calculator to sch last wk
so i cld not do my test
i wrote dwn the steps but no ans
which caused me to fail

RECESS
i love uuu

tamil was next
last time i used to hate tamil
cos i can't read or write proper tamil
it sucks
but i hav improved
&& my teacher is damn happy abt it
SHE SAT BESIDE ME TODAY
=(
i scared she wld pick me && scold me cos i was sitting beside her
wad eva i do she was like," WHY KIRTHI SO MANY MISTAKES??"
" WHERE IS YA LETTER??"
" READ OUT THE QNS && ANS && TELL ME HW U GOT THE ANS"
i was waiting wen wld class finish
at the end of the lesson she gave us HOMEWRK
open ended qns
hopefully i can do finish it on time by the next lesson which is on thursday

mrs raj came LATE for class
i was EARLY
jojo was sickkk
get well soon babee
i was massaging her cos her back was damn pain && she was in agony
i pity her darling

LUNCH came && i didn't go
cos i didn't feel like going
so we stayed in class
actualli we wen to staff rm searching for mrs subra
but we met mrs pillai
she gave us our PT wrkshts + ANSWER SHEETS =p

we wen bk to class waited for the chem rep
but before tat i took the paper + ans
for jojo too
supposed to stay bk for tamil
but i escaped to hme
i didn't wan to go

came bk hme but no1 at hme
onli johnny baby
watched HIKMAH
i love the drama
but i hate tat idiot

tmr got NAPFA
m scared
hope i do my best
&& got the STUPID STEP tmr
i seriously find it a waste of time
she is not teaching aniting
but treating us more like PRIMARY sch kids
45mins lesson
HAIZZ

Life moves pretty fast,if euu don't look once in a while, euu cld miss it
Your life wld be empty if euu had nth to regret on
So many ppl tip top through life,so carefully,to arrive,safely at death
During the voyage of life,rmb to keep an eye out for a fair wind;batten dwn during a storm;hail all passing ships;& fly ur colours
Live life as if u wld die tmr & Learn as if euu were to live foreva
When u lose,do not lose the lesson
Live in the world of ur own but always welcum visitors
Dun't judge each day the harvest euu reap but by the seeds u plant

" I wanted a perfect ending.Nw i've learned the hard way,that sum poems dun't rhyme,& sum stories dun't hav a clear beginning,middle & end.Life is not abt knwing,having to change,taking the moment,& making best out of it,witout knwing wad's going to happen next"

i jus dun understand wad is going ard me

2008-04-10T18:11:00.000-07:00

i seriously dun understand wad is going ard me
aft my mum is gone
alot of ppl looking dwn on me
y is tat so???
i hate it sial
i dun blame ani1 in particular
i can't tell out my feelings
so m jus typing it out
maybe by tat i feel my burden wld go dwn

sumtimes in life certain things happen
but we can't take those things to heart && lose hope in our life
i believe on those wrds indeed
my dad tld me,"You dun live to please every1 in tis world,if u gonna plsh every1 in tis world ten u can't find ya happiness but onli ya sorrows wld go up"

nw as i m alone at hme m jus thinking at those wrds he tld me
my dad is truly amazing
wit 1 look on my face he cld tell wads rong
wen i came bk hme today
he asked me,"Wad happened in sch??"
i was like hw did he knw man
i wanted to cry out to him
but i didn't cos he is already burdened wit stuffs
i dun wanna hurt him more

m seriously very very tired
both physically && mentally
i dun knw wen i m gonna cum out frm it
but i do hav hope
&& i believe tat it takes time to heal a person
&& m waiting for tat particular time to cum

life hurts alot
even though m jus 17
i toking as though my whole life is gone like tat
but within few yrs i realli wen through alot
i may seen happy on the outer
but inner the pain is still there
neither can it be explained nor felt
haizz

okae enough of my life story
&& not forgetting life still goes on
live the life to the fullest
m trying to follow tat
i jus wish my mum was here
to see wad is happening
i knw she can see wad is happening nw but i hope she does response to me in sum way
wen it rained jus nw a heavy down pour
i felt my mum was telling me sumting
but i cld not understand

wen eva is rains i believe tat either GOD is trying to say sumthing or if not my MUM

stoning is wad they say

2008-04-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

there is tis malay guy who takes the same bus at me
OMG!!! he is cute man
hahaha i hope he dun read tis sial
my stop cums before his
so sad i had to depart u knw
lolxx =P
aniway today surprising most of my classmates came early to sch
i dun knw y oso
but its gd

all lessons wen well esp
geog cos my cher gave us chocolates for finishing the syllabus
lolx
the chocoz were YUMMY
&& tamil was FUN too cos we were slacking instead of studying
we were asked to do sum sch wrk to help mrs subra la
but at the end of the lesson she gave us hmewrk
mus finish by the next lesson

maths SUPER slacking
mrs low was waiting for others to hand in their wrk
while those who hand in aready got nth to do
i was SLACKING ((:
everything wen well

EXCEPT

MRT time
it was paper 2
so mus use calculator
i searched for mine
in the end i neva bring to sch today
thus i cld not do my paper
OMG i felt like crying
cos it was upon 40 mrks
&& i lost it all
damn FCUKED up

guess wad???
in 855 the malay guy was there again
hahahahah
a bus journey wit him
lolx
he was rite at the bk
while me 1 seat in front of him
hahahah i cld see his reflection
OMG!!! he is cute
jus a passer by

sad to say he got dwn before me
but m happy to say tat
he && i live in the same area
lolx
*jumps high && low*

wen bk hme && tld my dad abt my MRT
he asked me y i neva bring
aft much explaining he neva say aniting
i hope he is not angry wit me
but m damn angry wit myself
such a disappointment
haizzz

did my wrk
&& not forgetting my CHEM file
due long time bk
but jus completed them
except mus buy the dividers tmr
i was sooo gd today
i dun knw y
i did most of my hme wrk

nw jus stoning
boredom kills me
singing makes me go gaga-gugu
*dances ard her rm*

tirlalalalalalalalala =P

dance's ard teddy

2008-04-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

todayy i woke up late
i was woken up at 5:15am
where else i was supposed to be bathing at tat time
but i rushed to the toilet to hav my shower
even though i took my time
i still was on time
not late jus nice && guess wad i was early at the bus stop
so as usual waited for the freaking slow bus to cum
finalli it came at 5:40am

reached sch another thing sial
wen my classmate wen to get the key it seems 1 cher was having it
dun knw y oso!!! cos she is not teaching my class && its been yrs since she taught me
tat was random u knw
finalli my door was open thanks to the aunty

slacking && listening to songs till jojo came
both as usual started toking && made our way to our usual spot
the CANTEEN ((:
we can foreva not stop toking
cos we r like tat
sum hw got alot alot of stories to tell sial

assembly was in the hall
as mine is a saints sch
devotion is a MUST
so while the devotion was going on i jus shut my hears
&& started dreaming

aft devotion was the singspriation
always i wanna slp during those time sial
infact my whole class was nearly flat
hahaha =X

1st lesson was S.S
i thought he wld cum && give bk our test papers but in the end
he asked us to do the source base qns in our grp
wen we wen to show him,got scolding cos we did it wrongly
as i wanted to say my pt
he siad no BUTS
so i shut my mouth
aft was RECESS
didn't eat as it was tooo early in the morning

i hated the class next
ART )):
cos m jus sooo stuck in my wrk
&& she dun wanna help me
she jus shut her ears to make it worse
she closed her ears wen i wen to ask her sumthing last wk
so since ten i neva bother toking to her

GEOG is best cos i neva do my hme wrk
so me && mathevi were planning to wad to say
but our luck she neva ask the bk today
but later mus do
the cher was going through wad was gonna cum for the test
i was jus listening while drawing

nwadays i dun knw y but m STARTING TO LOVE TAMIL ((:
its fun actualli
if i do her wrk tat she gives,she won't scold me la
so jus do the wrk la
today lesson was fun
supposed to be pair wrk
but i ended up doing alone cos i dun hav a partner
but its okae it was fun doing it
had to do compo && hand in tmr
jus finished it btw

eng was a bit boring && slacking
but i wld rate it as okay la
ten came LUNCH ((:
ate quick lunch wen to my pondatti's class
tok to her till time was up
for the test

i seriously dun hav the idea wad i was writing
but i jus wrote wad eva i knw
but i get at least sum mrks
i wrote nearly 2 pgs long
&& mathevi got shocked cos at 1st i was stuck in the qns
ten i read for sum time && day dreamed
finalli got the ans sum hw frm my brain

without me realising SCH WAS OVER for the day
helped bhavani do her fileing walked to the bus stop
took bus && wen hme
no 1 at hme expect my BF johnny
spend time wit him && i love him more then my life

tired is wad i can name today
=P

' dances ard teddy

lost in herself

2008-04-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

cld not slp properly last nite
i dun knw y
jus kinda lost feeling
i dun knw wad is happening ard me oso
tired slping but tossed && turned ard on my bed

got waked up at 5:50am today to get ready for sch
kinda tired cos nt enuff of slp
got ready for sch ten my daddy send me to the bus stop
while walking he asked,"y u always fight && argue wit ya sis??"
me::" she dun wanna lend me the thing "
dad:" both of u all,i dun knw wad to say"
was irritated cos i felt he was supporting her but nt me
arghhh but nahh i tried to cool dwn

finalli got the song
ahhhhh i love itt
=X
i thought i was late to sch
but ended up being the earliest in the sch
even my teacher came late
lesson supposed to start at 8am
but all came onli 8+
lolx as usual
kirthi got to wait!!!

but today's lesson was funn
it was held in the IT conference rm
wit 4E && 5N galz

it ended at ard 12pm+
all were sooo tired,walked to the 2nd bus stop
waited for the bus,took it && headed bk hme ((:

as i was in the bus felt like crying
actualli i my eyes were filled wit tears
but i controlled
was listening to sum song tat reminded me of mummi

actualli i do mishh her alot
haizz
i wanna tell her 1001 things but i can't
i wanna hear her tok but i can't
i wanna feel her warmness but i can't
i jus can't feel aniting of her
y mus tat be soo???
ill-fated life suckzzz

nw as i m blogging jus feel sooo i dun knw wad oso
mixed emotions
but onli 1 thing is for sure
i m lost in my own world called lonliness

i may seem happy outside
jus for those ppl i see daily hav to put up a fake smile
&& move on wit life
tats hw life is
even though it may be 6mths since she left
i feel it as though it happened ytd

the feeling kills me deep inside
like slaughtering me
arghhhhh
my anger gets over me jus like tat

aniway i dun knw wad m gonna do next
but i hav to do sumthing
to keep me company

' lost lil gal

&& life still has to go on

2008-04-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

today sch was actualli quite BORING!!! && FUN
boring cos matz neva cum the joker of the group )):
had S.S in the 1st period
he called me the lawyer witout her facts
cos i kept arguing wit him
but he said he was happy in me arguing
lolx
later was recess =P
aft eating while going bk to class my form tutor aka my S.S teacher came
he looked at me && called me
T:Cum here
*i went*
T:Wad mus u do wen u see a teacher??
*i looked ard*
T:Ahh see she arguing again && *gave the smile*
Me:ohhh "Gd morning mr.anthony"
T:ahhh gd
*walked bk to class complaining*
he likes to disturb our class
but he is the best
even though he may be strict i do still love him cos the way he care && tok
is damn funny && sentimental u knw
today had P.E thought i cld get over && done wit my 2.4
but in the end at my 3rd round my muscles pulled me && i cld not run ani longer
i wen through hell cos it was EFFING pain )):
&& the cher press && pull my leg but i started crying cos of the pain i cld not
take it ani longer
sad to say i walked bk limping
aft P.E was CHEM!!!
as usual my class was slacking ten there came mrs pillai
she was like asking us to cum to the lab for practical
we were aready half dead but we had to climb 3 LEVELS UP to the chem lab
i suffered walking cos of the pain but manged to reach the lab wit the help of my friends ((:
eng mrs raj neva cum so SLACK && toking stories sial wit bhavani && jojo
we were worried sick for PHY cos we neva do ani of the 4 wrkshts given
cos if we neva do my cher wld punish us by asking us to do squats depending on his mood
but to our surprise he didn't ask abt the wrkshts today but tld us to bring them tmr haizz
&& not forgetting the file n wrkbk
sch was supposed to end at 2pm but sum of the students had STEPS
&& m oso 1 of the students
the class was at 3:20pm-4:05pm so stupid rite??
jus 45mins class???
crazy ppl la
tat cher 1 loosu i tell u ahh
sooo irritating.she wanted to see our writing so she gave us tis stupid topic on DRESSING
1 pharagraph abt it
so i jus wrote like journal hope she dun scream
she dragged the class until nearly 4:30 la
ppl living sooo far frm sch she doing tis to me
ten rushed bk hme limping
waited for the bus called my daddy && complained tat i was late && stuff

THE COMPLAIN LIL PRINCESS

guess wad??
hav becum the love counselor
&& oso i started toking nonsense stuff abt love,friendship && wadeva u can name
jojo kept laughing she likes it wen i do it but at the same time she gets irritated la
lolx
came bk hme
did my TAMIL LETTER-WRITING ((:
gd gal sial me nwadays i do all my tamil hmewrk
*adjust collars*
nw slacking && ponders abt her life )):

LIFE STILL GOES ON ((;

past not equal to furture

2008-03-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

now a dayz m getting realli lazii
not onli tat but m having mixed emotions too
sumthings make me think a lot while others i dun even bother abt it
but today's entry is abt my mummi the heroine of my life && certain thingss

alrite mummi!!!!
i knw u can see me tat m writing tis letter to u
but u can't response to me && even if u do neither can i see it or hear it
certain things realli hurt me mum
i dun knw who to tell too but sumtimes i feel like crying out loud
but sumtimes i realli need a shoulder to pour out my sorrows
the size of my heart is realli small but inside it 1001 things r all bottled up
i dun knw wen it wld burst but wen it burst nth can be done ten

i always wanted to tell ya hw much u mean to me
but as i felt soo shy && found it soo childish tat my love for u
hav neva been expresses )):
as i wan to tell it nw, u aren't here
y mus u leave me sooo fast wen u promised me million thingss
but nw all those things hav vanished through thin air

17yrs ago a foetus was formed in ya womb
the place where nth can ever replace it
the place filled wit warmness & love & care & concern & everything
but ten i didn't knw time wld be realli short for me to cum out so soon frm the heavenly place
wen i came out i felt cold,shivery,scared ten i started crying hoping i wld get the warmness again
ten i heard ya heartbeat in those small ears & felt ya warmness once again
ten i realised i got bk the feeling again

each time wen i cried u picked me up && checked on me
thinkin sumthin might hav hurt me or even i was crying in hunger or aniting
i started to grew up
i grew up as a princess
a baby gal where she got everything && demanded for more
but tat baby gal didn't realise tat she was making use of her mother's love
she did not treasure tem
wen she got out of her cage she flew away far away frm her mother
where she thought she cld do aniting && everything in life

ten 16yrs later she started making her mother cry each && every nite
maybe she took revenge??? or was it tat she didn't realise the love???
she did not knw ten but nw wen tat baby gal is nw 17 she realised the truth
but the queen wasn't ard animore
she started regreting by crying,screaming out loud hoping she wld sumhw find the warmness again.but she didn't,she did not get it

sumtimes she wonders y is tat her sis && dad && even her dog cld see her && feel her presence
while she does not get it
is it her ill fate??? or the punishment tat she deserved??
&& ten she asked the queen," Y MUM U HATE ME SOOO MUCH??" or "DID I MAKE U SUFFER SOO MUCH??"
no answers given to her
but life as to still go on
she can't forget the incident her whole life till she close her eyes && take her last breath on earth
all she wish nw is tat once she is gone she wld go bk to her queen once again
hoping to ask for forgiveness && give her the big warmest hug ani1 cld get it on earth

as i walk dwn the streets
i see many mother & daughters holding hand walking
toking,laughing,eating,dancing,singing,fighting
&& i get jealous as i dun get to do ani of them again wit u
u mus be surprised hw cum i m writing abt u but i dun knw hw to express my love
so i realli hope u wld read tis && hug me in my dreams for once mum

as u were concerned for my studies && u said i was always playful
i m proud to say i struggled && passed my N'level
i passed every single subjects mum
i hope i made u proud
nw u as wished again m taking my Os tis yr
i hope i wld do ya proud again by passing them && pursuing my dreams
i jus wan u to give me ya blessing for everything i do mum
my love for u is not said by wrds,it can onli be felt by u && onli u

lotsa love
princess

nw my life story!!!!
i wonder y my bk of LIFE is soooo big && filled wit a lot of things
lolxx
every1 does face different kind of problem daily in life
i wld not say my problems here but jus i feel
INCOMPLETE && SCREWED && TROUBLED && LOST
tis wrds can describe hw i feel && wad is happeningg

time fly soooo fast tat nw is march gona end && april wld rise
2mths left for my Os MT papers
i hope tat i wld pass it
at least B3 or A2 is enough for meeee
god bless everyone && tc of my queen

lost love

2008-03-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

after soooooooooooooooooooooooooo long m blogging againnn
nearly 1 mth later i guess
haizzz no time to blog abt my daily life but i do write it dwn
hmm lets see

there are many things i haven blog abt
&& seriously there are many things going through in my mind nwadays
but i hav no idea who to tell to && who wld eva bother to listen to wad i hav to say

maybe sum things are made to be jus hidden inside me
but my heart gets heavier each day && min && sec
jus a small heart can't contain everything
but my heart trying to contain it && trying its level best not to pour out

i believe tat i hav changed a bit
i can see for myself but sum ppl think its rong
i dun live for them so i dun care
but human beings do tok alot at times if u notice

being happi does not mean m happi all the times
sum times i do out up a fake smile to show others m happi
i dun knw y oso
i cry oso rong,shout oso rong,get angry oso rong,sumtimes i laugh oso rong
if everything i do is rong means,ten i do wad??
live a death life???

i hav no idea wad i m doing
but i do hav idea wad i wann do in life
i hav planned sum things in life the way i wan things to be
i hope it wld go && i wish i wld reach my dreams 1 day

in my life sum ppl hav drift away
the ppl whom i wan tem to stay r moving
those ppl whom i didn't actualli care are staying wit me in times of need
is tis called life or fate??
who to be wit && who not to be wit??
i dun knw!!!!!
but i knw there is 2 ppl who is always there for me no matter wad
1 is the hero of my life called my daddy && another is an angel of my life is called my sister
tis 2 special ppl are god's gift to me
my mum is now wit god so i dun realli need to thank her everyday cos i knw she is wit him
so i thank god is like thanking my mum
wit tis 2 ppl i can lead my life
not forgetting my dearest imsai of my life my brother
he is my eye opener for me
i realli love tis 3 ppl but i hav neva showed or tell them hw much i love them or hw much they mean to me
i m scared to tell cos of the age gap && the understanding between us

m sure they wld understand my love even though i hav neva tld them
i wld not say tis is a broken family but its a family which ppl are leading their own lifes but living together under 1 roof
tis is called my family && onli mine
no space for ani1 to enter or even break it

sumtimes i wish jus to go bk to my mum
cos she is the best lady i hav eva shared things wit
but nw she is no more i knw she is listening to me from a far away place
where she can hear me but i can't hear or see her
i dun understand y god has to take her soo fast frm my life???
she promised me many many things in tis world
but nw all those things jus vanish to the thin air
jus witin a snap
whoshhh
she is gone
away frm the world,family,me many many things

nothing in tis world is permanent
1 day every1 has to go
but i wish wen i go there i wld get to be wit her once again
my life,my world is u my mum
i may hav neva tld i love u to ya
but nw as i wanna tell u not hear to listen
but i jus wanna tell hw much i love u && mishh u in tis world
a place without u is like a place of hell,shattered place wit all broken glasses i hav to step onto
each day,hr,min,sec

last phrase of the day::: I LOVE U MUM &&
I LOVE U DAD
I LOVE U SISTER
I LOVE U BROTHER
together we live as 1